I was doing a quick census the other day and asked a lot of people do they remember the time when they got their cherry popped or their banana skinned. I mostly encountered fits and giggles. Everyone looked up to the ceiling with a “ah-ah”moment on their face. Like they were treasuring something big and grand. Only to found out deeper that it was way far from that.

And then I got the tables turned on me and  a lot of people wanted to know if I remembered when I got my Cherry popped.

Well honey after all this time my cherry is now a kiwi… a tasteful kiwi. So for the risk of my friends tearing me a new ass’ole I decided to regal you with my story.

Four scores and seven years ago, your foremother got her cherry popped on a cold and not a lonely brisk day in september.  Never mind my age (in case my mother really does read this).  Anyhu, I remember when I got my cherry popped. Not that long ago (my family may check this)…yes so not that long ago.

I tell kids all the time that sex is not all what its cracked up to be. Your first time is awful.  As a girl (you guys are probably young when you do decide to do this), you have to fake your orgasm (and you better get this faking right cause honeychile you are going to have to fake it alot …forever). and then he is not really gonna know where it is so his willy is gonna be poking you everywhere as he tries to get it in.

And get ready for this-It may go up your ass!

Don’t be alarmed if that happens just ask him to withdraw quickly. If he is too excited to hear then a quick shove will do. This will probably be the only area you don’t want anyone to make a deposit! Unless you are gay, then good for you!

And then you may have body issues and have all the lights turned off and that is never good! Cause you are definately gonna get poked in the ass or the belly button or your knee.  And then you may feel compelled if not actually forced to perform head. But I warn you if you do it once chile ……they will be begging you to do this forever, too! Not, that I know personally. It is just a for instance.

And then you have to think of the places where you have to do it-the rec room, your bedroom, the basement hallway at school.But I will give you some lasting advice, don’t try the washing machine cause it is way to high up and don’t try the bathtub cauce the water will eventually dry you all up… The best place is yor parents room.  Try your parents bed. I did. And honey it was fabulous. They have the better mattress, the better sheets and probably have the better entertainment system in their room so you can unwind to one of my videos afterwards. Also, they most likely have a goody drawer or a goody armoire. Another good place if you feel too guilty is the basment at home cause most people have really good lighting down their with home theatres being as popular as they are. And if you haven’t had your cerise or banana fondled with don’t go using your parents bedroom cause Honey that is too weird even for me and I am always up for a little freaky deeky.

But I digress.

My first time. It was dry. It was quick. It was protected (my mother may read this). And looking back predictable. So when you younguns are at it…just turn to each other and say, “Darn it Lucresia was SO right!”

P.s. any schools that want me to talk about sex please contact me. I draw real good pictures and can bring my finger puppets if you want.

p.p.s. See Micheal I told you that I can keep a secret. Ain’t no one gonna find out from here that you lost it to our gym teacher. And that you told your mother that it was food poisoning when you poo-pooed for three whole days. Not from me. No way.

Luv always,

L

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