Did I ever tell you the time when I was on top of an ex (let’s call this one muccia). Anyways, here I was riding away when my ponytail weave started to shift. I forgot that morning that I only put about three hair pins. Well, now as I rode on the dickolicious express my hair was going east as I was rocking back between north and south. Well, it was so dark already and yes, I could have taken it off, but the thought mortified me! I was too much of a lady to do that so I just followed by ponytail wherever it went. If it went left, I went left. If it went right, I ventured right. And by the way muiccia did not even notice! He thought that I was evil ken evil on stilts cause the way my hips where moving around and around. I know that he was probably wondering what happened to that special move I did (cause I never did that ever again). I know that I went down in his books as the girls who rode like she had a hula-hoop on.

Weaves and the first date….wear one, definitely. Why not?? I firmly believe and I believe for quite some time now that any man who is worth his grain of salt; ask a girl on the first date if she is wearing a weave, should be dumped right at the dinner table, totally before the first course arrives. I am not jesting you, I promise. I have never dated a guy past the first date who asks if I wear one because he always turns out a chump later.

“A chump?” You ask.

Yes, a chump! Because like, taxes and weight, a woman’s right to weave should never be questioned. And once you reply to that question, then you get an onslaught of other ones to follow such as-how does it stay on, did you mama have sex with a china man, blah,blah, blah…

Now that I have settle it with my male readers. Okay the rest of it is for the ladies

Weave do and don’ts during sex.

Do flick your hair around his body as you perform oral sex

Do watch out for his hand going up to your neck; especially as he cusps your face. I don’t want you to get whip lash (you can…don’t ask…but, you can!) You can try my method of taking his hands into yours and giving him a kiss and a giggle. Or you can keep dodging his advances. I am not sure why men these days feel it is necessary to cusps a woman by her face when he kisses her. I know that all the movies do this, but if you want to get truly intimate kiss her on her bush. Nothing screams intimacy than a quick a smooch on the bush!

Now I found a little trick of my own and afterward I never had to dodge his fingers again. Take an extra track of hair (ask your stylist for a track or buy a pack at the store) and glue it along the edge of your hairline at the back as close as you can. So when his hands go up the nape of your neck it stops right there. He can’t go anywhere else. Not unless he tries to dig in your hair and then that is just plain weird (is he trying to give you a dry shampoo???).

Now I know what your next question is going to be-what about when you are performing oral sex and he has his hand on your head. Well, if I gave head I would know how to answer this story, but whenever I give a man kisses on his stomach and he tried to put his hand on my head, I simply bitch-slapped his hands away. After a couple of swats he took the hint.

Now suppose you are dating for awhile and he asks why you are wearing a weave. Well, I guess by now he has kissed your bush a few times. I always say yes I am .

And to sign off possums -my mother always told me that not only, does the crazy people have the best pills, but you only have three friends in the world-your pocket, God and your front. So, keep your pocket full, pray to God for guidance and take care of your front before it takes care of you!

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