I was recently in a discussion with a group of teens, family really, who asked me about having sex as a young person. So I thought to myself should I go ahead and taint my holier than image (mmn, yeah right!) Or just go right ahead and relish in my memories.

So I told them that, yes, it is true that dating younger men is fun. I specifically told them about a story that happened to me.

Let’s call this one Bob (I always wanted to date a Bob). Anyhu, I can’t remember how Bob and I met, but I do remember that when we exchanged personal information-him first, I couldn’t believe my ears! He was at least 10 years younger than me! For the first time I felt real. Weird in saying how old I was. When I did, however, jigga was ecstatic! It was like he hit the jackpot! For a time I was flattered. But, then I realized that maybe I was the better catch (not to toot my own horn, but toot toot)!

I once dated a guy who at the time, unbeknownst to me, he was dating a girl waay older than myself. He ended choosing the older girl because she had a career-not a job, had her own place, her own car, and it was nice that she could pay for dinner a lot of the time. At first, I was insulted. I couldn’t compete with an older lady. I had a job (at the time I was slaving behind the espresso bar at Starbucks, in the wealthy section of Toronto to a bunch of elitist asses). I lived with my parents, so I had sex in the most illustrious places (I won’t go into it). I did have my own car, but it was a hand me down; basically a k-car, so it overheated more than I did! And I couldn’t pay for dinner all of the time. Why would I? The man was supposed to pay.

We remained good friends for at least another year. I did pump him for information on how older women treat men. And some of the following tidbits I kept and did myself:

1. Men like you to sometimes take control in bed. (Surprise, Surprise)
2. Men like you to let them be a man; e.g. pay for dinner, hold the door open…
3. Men love it when you cook for them, fawn over them with a nice romantic meal in your own house
4. Men love it when they think that you are dressing for them
5. Men love it when you take care of your kids
6. Men love it when you do everything you can to empower and bring yourself up in life (extra classes, confront the boss for better pay or title, etc.)
7. Men like it when you suck their dick

I think he put in the last one. Actually, jigga stressed this last one. But, he knows that mois don’t play that!! I don’t like anything that long up in my face unless it is a hotdog between two buns, with a little bit of ketchup, mustard, cheese, and hold the relish!!!

But, I digress.

When I dated this younger guy it was thrilling for the both of us. The conversation was titillating. It wasn’t always about sex. We argued over politics, religion and beliefs. It always went beyond the weather.

The sex?

Well…not so good! It was like I was banging Father Rabbit. Bang, bang, bang! I was slow mo and he was Quick draw at the ole wild west!! I was so surprised! This person who just rubbed me the right way in my mind, just rubbed me raw in the bedroom or ahem, the car.

But, again I digress.

What is really great about younger men is that they are still somewhat soft so that they can be molded. But, this time I was too tired to teach. I am not a connoisseur of love, but as a woman I know what I like. A little tongue there, a little sighing there, a little use of the finger over here. You get my drift.

So the affair had to end.

Well, it did end just so. I changed my phone number, because Bob forgot to tell me that he was seeing a much younger girl. And that is soooo high school.

And you and I both know that I don’t do high school.

So the moral of this story is, if you are going to caca where you eat, don’t forget to bring your own deluxe toilet paper!