My Boobies are Cancer Free!!

(Applause here)

I am soooo happy!

Life is good.

And do you know that bitch doctor took soooo long to call me back. Actually, he did not call me at all!!

I thought maybe he lost my phone number. Or that he could not face me because he thought there was no reason for me to have a mammogram in the first place.

I had convinced myself that I had it. Why else would lumps be there in the first place! I started looking at wigs. I could not decided between Raquel Welch line or Beverly Johnson. Can I pull off the scarf look a la Jessica Simpson. Maybe with big glasses a la Nicole Richie. I still wanted to adopt a child from a third world country. I still wanted to climb Mount Kilamangaro, or at least watch others do it. I wanted to go to Tibet an visit some monks and put some rice their bowls. I wanted to learn how to swim. Or at least learn how to  hold my breath so I could give head under water a la Marilyn Monroe. Not that I ever gave head before. It is just a for instance! And what about making good on my crush on St. Georges. My family. What about my family?

I could not sleep.

I could not eat.

Otay, I lie. I could still eat.

Then I surrendered.

How did I surrender?

I really let go and asked myself, “if something bad happened to me will that change the me that is inside?”

Nope.

You know that you can change your environment and situations on the outside. But, the SOUL in you still lives on. Just a golden nugget from me to you.

Once I surrendered I could sleep.

But, in all seriousness. Breast cancer is no joke. I cry for all the ones who went through this and made it. I pray for the ones that didn’t. You have to take your life in your own hands. Start coupling those breasts. Feel them up. Feel them up all the time. Even in front of people. Spread the message. Tell them Lucresia Linton told me to touch myself.

God gives you the gift of life everyday, you have to make something of it! Don’t yawn. I am so serious.

In my darkness days, I know that my life must mean something. You have to believe that in yourself too….

Wait, I just realized something…if I don’t have cancer, then I sure has hell got me some lumpy breasts!

L.

p.s. No, that is not a pic of my chest. But, it is close though. Real close. For reals.