Five Ways to Live Gregariously
1. Wear a ball gown or something MAJOR darling and treat your siblings to an amazzzing meal at your home. It will un-nerve them and if they ask why you are so dressed up, tell them that your mother called and named you executor of her estate.
2. Take a note from Ms. Vreeland’s page and dress in the way that really truly expresses who you are.
3. Check your underwear. Separate the frumpy ones for your “period days” from the nice frilly sexy ones. Do you need more sexy ones? Buy some! Frig the recession! Go to Wal-Mart. No excuses. The material will feel sooo good against the skin. And take a note from Cross-dressers-why do you think they buy them?
4. Read a biography about a person from 16th to 18th century. Jane Austen, my possums, doesn’t count! A real person like, Queen Margot…yes it can include the new book about The Duchess. I guess!
5. Give your man a pedicure. If you have no man, do not offer to give any on Craiglist! Then give yourself one, instead. Better yet, go and get one done. It is sandal season. You deserve it! And we all deserve something pretty to look at!
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Heartbroken, Lucresia Linton decided to turn to the internet. She believes that if God gives you lemons, then you must order your very rude child to make you a pitcher of lemonade and go find an audience elsewhere!
