After the whole cancer scare, I wondered to myself what else will allude me in my life? You all must have these thoughts like me-will you ever climb Mount Kilimanjaro, run away from the bulls in Spain or have anal sex.

And I had a thought-Should Nair Go Anywhere near your ass?

My answer-Hell Nah!

I thought that if I am FINALLY going to do the deed I should at least prepare the area.

If men could be this considerate!

I started by omitting all beans from my diet. That was soo easy cause I don’t like beans at all. I knew that I should have nothing gasey or nothing that would upset my stomach. And, I also omitted all creams from my diet, but not milk cause I needed at least a splash of skim in my coffee. I figured, maybe, I should have a laxative to clean out everything in case I ended up being backed up; which really if you think about it is counter-productive cause I figure if he sticks it all the way in won’t everything spill out later anyways??

And maybe the laxatives would be good cause then my stomach would come off looking flat and this time I need help cause I am definitely gonna leave the lights on cause I don’t want it to end up in my eye.

Don’t ask!

Okay ask away…

Have you ever did it from behind then tried to change positions and him not seeing anything and not knowing that you turned around, jammed you right in the eye? It can happen, possums. It can happen.

But, the laxative thing is pretty tricky cause if I do it too close to the day then I am screwed…or I won’t be screwed. So I have to properly space it out. And then I thought maybe I should have a light diet. So I started of with:

BREAKFAST

• a cheese omellete with a side of sausage

• cup of latte

LUNCH

• splash of skim in coffee

• grilled cheese sandwich

DINNER

• a lean piece of steak and side of broccolli and baby carrots

Yes, this is light for me.

I wanted to make sure that everything was going to go and come out easy for the entire week. And then I read that you should still have fibre with your diet. So, I decided to add a little bit of wheat germ to my egg. And honey I don’t know if it was the wheat germ or the egg, but I think it was the mix of both of them together and I could not hold nothing back.

And then I thought to myself should I do anal exercises? Is there such a thing? I know that there are vagina exercises and breast exercises, but what about the upkeep and care of the anus. It is a neglected area. A fortune could probably be made with the care and upkeep of your rectum. So I decided that the only exercise I could think of was pretend to hold it in and then let it out. So I did this in repetitions of 15. I mean HE should appreciate the tightness of it all; if anything. So I did these exercises when I knew that I would concentrate the most-when I was talking to my mother.

And then I thought well the light from the lamp will be shining on my bottom (I so wish I got that tattoo I was planning to get), maybe I have hairs in my bottom.

I mean my friend tried it, I should try it too.

Tried what you ask?

Nair.

I told you about my friend right?? Her name is Stupida. Well, one day, Studpida calls me out of the blue and she was going to shave her legs and decided to reach for the Nair. And then thought to herself, why stop there? Why not go all the way? So she placed a little on her tissue and went for her bush. And once that was gone, she asked herself, what else is left. And whammo!!! Took that tissue between her buttocks and came back with hair. Hair?!!! Who knew.

But, am I brave enough to try that?

I won’t tell you just yet…the story shall unfold, next time.

But, what I will tell you is the moral of the story is don’t use nair on your behind if you are afraid to look what might come out on that tissue!

Luv,L