Lucresia Linton.com

I was leaving a building when I saw a man staring at me. I thought to myself (this was a while ago) it is true white men are into the chocolate hunnies! It was drizzling as I said good-bye to a friend who normally went my way, but decided to go the opposite  way that day.

Anyhoo, back to the man.

The man was watching me as I sashayed my butt harder and made sure my titays were up and adams! I knew he wanted me. My radar was never wrong. I wanted to look cute. So, I opened my umbrella from the dollar store and pretend to have a “Singing in the Rain” experience. I skipped to the left over puddles and gracefully lifted my legs so he can catch the shape of my well defined manly calves.

The man started to make his way over to me. I was so excited! I knew for sure was going to bring him to my knees with my kilowatt smile.

“Hi, there I wanted to know-” he says to me.

“Yes,” I said trembling with anticipation.

“We are shooting a video and –“ he started.

“Oh, you want me to be in it?” I exclaimed.

“No, not you,exactly…. your umbrella!” he finished.

He went to explain that it was for a LL Cool J video shoot and the black umbrellas they had looked to “new” and they needed my crappy one.

LL Cool J! The LL Cool J needs me, I mean my umbrella. So, I negotiated with him that I would give up my red dollar store umbrella only if I get to say hello to LL.

Sure no problemo he says. So we crossed the busy street and the man calls for the Zeus. Unfortunately, for me he was all covered up. Fortunately for him, I brought along my demo tape in my purse for moments like these.

“How you doing?” he says as he licks his lips as he looked at me up and down. His gazed lingered long the crevices of my immaculate breasts. Long over each mound. I shall not lie!  Like I said even in the sweet afternoon I was all titted out.

But, I digress.

“You are so mine, I mean I am so fine” I gushed. All the sudden I had a Marilyn Monroe voice.

“This woman here has offered up her umbrella for your shoot,” cuts in the fool.

“Oh she did, well thanks so much!” says Zeus as he licked his lips.

Did you know that he licks his lips. A lot! Jigga licked his lips so much I thought to myself if he had any cold sores they would be flaming! He must use a lot of Chap stick. Hell, he must keep them in business.

So that is my LL Cool J story. Needless to say the bitch boy never called me about my tape. But, if he did I would have never been able to meet all of you my possums.

Till this day I don’t know if I was wet cause of the rain or from Monsieur Cool J.

P.s. The next day I told Stupida. Stupida was pissed!

p.s.s. Bitch boy’s umbrella broke on me as I was catching the bus. I should have never given up my dollar store umbrella!

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