It never occurred to me that one of the things that should be factored in when purchasing a new lazy-boy is whether or not you can make love in it.

So when I followed my friend, let’s call him Marsh, to a Lazy-boy outlet, who knew that was on his mind.

When you first come in to a Barcalounger outlet don’t expect to be greeted right away. The sales people want you to browse and fall in love with the piece first. But, don’t worry, you may look in the mirror and see you, but when the salespeople looks at you, they see breadcrumbs. And you know that large birds will fly down to collect their crumbs.

But, you don’t know Marsh. This is a man who was the only one to agree to do the high jump during the Naked Olympics. You may see just a chair, however, Marsh sees this as a new sex tool.

All the chairs are comfortable, so that wasn’t the defining criteria. It was how far it went back, the different positions it could go and  if it vibrated. For myself (knowing that he would somehow convince me to try this), the defining criteria was the color. You know I am all about the coordinating for the home. You know how I do.

What I liked and he said "Hell Na, to!"

What he liked and I said "Hell Na, to!...and when does the next trip to Mars leave"

What the sales person liked we both said "Hell Na!"... and you need to go back to working in another industry, like Best Buy!

What He ending up getting and the salesperson said "Yes, good choice!" Translation-thanks for the commission bitch-boy!

And I almost forgot to tell you how Jigga wanted me to kneel in the thing. In front of everyone! I didn’t, of course! He tried to convince me that he wanted a woman’s point of view. I told him to suck it. So he knelt in it. This act alone brought the salesperson quickly along.

In the end he end up with a black modern looking one. We argued about whether it should be leather. He knew it would go with everything in his place (why do men love leather so much?) and I had to remind him that when things get too hot he will start sticking to the chair. The salesperson didn’t even realize what we were taking about, took it upon herself to say that they sell good lubricants to prevent wear and tear of their chairs. We tried so hard not to laugh. I did convince him to buy a large ottoman that would look fabulous in the corner of his living room.

You know how I do.

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