Sep
10

House to Covet-Kid Rock

BeFunky17I know.

I know. 6a00d8341c630a53ef0120a4d37ae4970b-800wi

I know that you are shocked that I am coveting something of Kid Rock’s, but the man has personal style.

I do like his music.

Always, did.  I  like how his love of all things southern translate into his yard. His house is quite gorge! I am loving all the dark wood flooring and his bedroom looks like a lovers dream, with all the billowing canopy.

6a00d8341c630a53ef0120a4d37b08970b-800wiMy favorite is his tableaux in bathroom. I love that his jars have clean lines and the hint of risque in the Helmut Lang-ish photo.  And you know that I can’t not mention the zebra 6a00d8341c630a53ef0120a52a86e8970c-800wiottoman in his living room. Fierce! It ties in with the black picture frames directly across from it.

Maybe he used a decorator, who knows. All I know is that somehow with the guitars hanging on the wall or on the floor you  definitely see a little of Kid Rock here and there.6a00d8341c630a53ef0120a4d37a4b970b-800wicooltext4301591571

Images via L.A. Times.

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Sep
10

Girdles in Bed-Try Not To Cut Off His Penis Circualtion

usIf you truly truly know me, you would know that I adore anything that gives a nude feeling. I adore nude color shoes that elongate the leg because the eyes don’t stop and should never! It is also alluring how beige colors somehow disappears into the skin. YouBR2245-BC-BlackWhiteBeige are dressed, but naked at the same time.  But, why should it stop there? Why not underneath, too?

The thought came to me when I was in my favorite boutique in U.S.

Rewind…okay so it was not a boutique.  It is a store with a capital S, but I adore how I look in their clothes! Quite gorge!

Anyhoo, it is called the Rainbow Shop. They have good prices, with a greater detail in mind, but enough advertising for them. As I said I love their clothes, but I was aghast when I came across their lingerie. Eww. Bettie_Page_1It was a mish mash of hot pinks and loud purples with a hell of a lot of animal print thrown in. And possums you know I love any kind of animal print, but this was way beyond!

I don’t know that if they realize that it doesn’t take this much to impress a guy in bed. All you need is something tasteful and some skills and then you are golden. My favorite looks have always been a simple black or 7hu2U4T6Cr0pjelx11xt7HmRo1_400beige slip or a girdle with garters attached. The greatest thing is that this look flatters all shapes. It makes you look amazing when the light is on! I mean who wouldn’t want a flat tummy while standing up?

And when the light is off?  Well, I would try to keep it on! If you insist on suffering at times for love, why not for fashion, too. You could always get the girdle with a peek-a-boo kitty that is open at the crotch for easy acc24ess!

This probably a lot more easier than trying to hold the crotch part to one side and have him try to put it in and then the crotch keeps on snapping back, cutting off, not only the circulation in your leg, but also his penis.bettie_page_2

And it is all sorts of wrong.

Not that I have tried this before. It is just a for instance.

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Sep
10

Hello God, it’s me, Lucresia.

connieI know that I talk a lot about pussies.

I know that I should not put the name Joyce Meyer in the same post as pussy.

It is almost sacrilegious. Joyce-Meyer

But, I figure, she has one and so do I and GOD gave it too us both so that evens everything out and it must be okay.

Have you ever seen this woman in action?  She is amazing. She is such a good preacher. I don’t know how some laughing_jesuspeople can’t believe in GOD especially after hearing her speak. You can find Mrs. Meyer on most religious stations. She always has a way of finding church in her life. And she is hella-funny too! There I go again-church and hell in same sentence!  She taught me to strengthen my relationship with GOD and now we talk all the time. And I know to my readers that it doesn’t seem as if I can utter the word of GOD with my potty mouth, but that is where the deception that most society has.  GOD accepts us all with all warts, farts, and creases. When I deepened my relationship with HIM I found that I never need anyone else to fill that void. It is an amazing thing when you realize the power that the Holy Spirit can bring you.  Once you are aware of this everything falls into place. The one thing I did learn from her is to Put GOD first and all things from Heaven will fall onto you. You want to hear something funny? Even J-lo knows this! I heard her once say that in an interview; that once she stopped focusing  on her career and put HIM first by realizing that HIS will for her was HER will, everything fell into place. And this is what surrendering is all about.

Here is the thing: Faith without works is dead. You know that I have said this before many times. I learned this a long timenormal_LaughingJesus ago. For example, you want a new job. It is not going to come knocking at your door. Go ahead put the time in, do the research, and get the stepping. When you pray and put your intentions out there, it comes back to you tenfold. After you do all the groundwork, THEN and only then, you surrender to the possibilities that will come. But, don’t stop doing. Keep at it until it arrives. Why not dress it up in your mind? It shall come. And that is where faith comes in. You want a new house with a picket fence. Put your prayer out there.

You don’t have to go down on your knees.

You can do it standing up.

Lucresia, why are you so bad?hands-of-god-and-adam-from-the-sistine-ceiling-1511-michelangelo-300707

But, I digress.

Comb the real estate section, drive around town, and meet with people. And THEN surrender and know that it is coming. Cause it is!!!

Back to Miss Diva-lo, she even talked about putting GOD first in her song “Jenny from the Block”. Look at the blessings that Mel Gibson has received by doing a movie that definitely put GOD first. But, let’s not focus to much on the monetary, but on how fulfill these people and yourself can become. I know that these are tough times. But, trust me, put HIM first in everything from picking the right people in your life to moving to job search to making investments and you will hear HIS call. All you have to do is dial up.
Thank-you all for allowing me to give some dear ones and myself a regency of hope.

ae1158cf_ec4f_464f_ac6b_054b0e8a26b4This post is dedicated to all those that have lost on September 11.lovelucresia

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Sep
05

PINEAPPLE JUICE AND PENIS

BeFunky-1You must remember that you become a different person as you age. And so does your body parts. My possum, that is not your fault. Nor, it is the fault of the Almighty. It ain’t your doctor’s fault. It may be your mamas fault (if you had my mama, you would blame it on her too). So, in events such as these, I like to blame stuff on global warming.Yellow-LargeVib

My part of trying to be “eco” and et al.

It is the very “in” thing to do.

Now, today we shall talk about the penis. The penis, although verpineappley wondrous in its designs, sometimes comes across as being pompous. Uncaring. Maybe, even being too forth-right, with nothing and sometimes, no one, to back it up…and to back up on it. But, I ask, why do we always blame the vagina for not having enough “juice”? Not getting wet enough. It certainly has enough pull. I’d like to think mine does.  But, why not look towards the penis to step up its game.

pineapple_fizzHow?

Pineapple juice.blue_man

Pineapple juice, like most juices, can be absorbed quickly by the body. And if you think that it can’t get all the way down to the penis, remember this poor man, who drank a hell of a lot of  Colloidal Silver and turned blue.

You can imagine what color his penis is!

Pineapple juice works amazing as a lubricant for the penis. No my friend, you don’t smear it on and serve it up like a cocktail.  I mean you can, but, if he wants to..umm…well done!  And it goes without saying, if he wants to smear it on your vagina…. well done you!  But, no, the subject has to drink it for a week and a half in order for it to make his slope more slippery, or slippery his slope.

Where do I come up with all these phrases? I need to be on Mad Men.

cooltext430159157january-jones-25

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Sep
05

HOT FLASHES AND TIGHT SKIN

greHave you ever gotten hot flashes, but you are no where near being menopausal yet?

Two words-Venice Beach.

Venice Beach, where do I begin. 805e17ec006f6a86I won’t even go into the man on the roller-skates who looks like he needs a bath. I would normally go right up to him 42f602f490c7e450and take a pHot_dogicture, but he looked so questionable. I could see the smell in his aura like a black cloud. So, I took a picture from a far.

Walking down the boardwalk was such a nice trot, so nice that it made me hungry. So I had to stop by a hot dog stand. After I put all my condiments, I started walking again, but this time towards the beach. Then it happened. I almost squeezed my hot dog out of its buns. Betixing my eyes, all I saw was skin.

Talk about hot dog! 2715785438_4282c7ac4b

There they were. Men, in all shades and flavors.

Black and white buffet for everyone!

thelover7Sadly no, Japenese men. They are now the soup du jour (you know how I do). I spent the night watching my fav sexed up movie of all time-“The Lover” (which will be an entire post in itself, honey chile)!!!  All buttered up with their arms glistening under the weight of the sun. And for some strange reason, they all must have worked up a sweat cause possums they all had their shirts off! Every single one of them!

Now I know what hot flashes feels like.

At first I thought it was the sun, but I beg to differ. The men were hawt! 980803044_334174bf76Where were all the baggy pants that young men were supposed to be wearing these days? Chile, they must have left them back in Toronto! Why should L.A. be any different? I kept on hoping that their shorts would fall down, but unfortunately no dice! Up and down they went jostling each other to get that big hard massive balls, ahem, I mean ball, in the small little hole.

But, I digress.

No use getting myself all hot and bothered when I am all alone. So know I am just plain bothered.

Sweaty men aside, I love Venice.  I felt so down with its people. 3557759860_6a03f06099And there were soo many people. I love walking along the boardwalk and see what all the many vendors had to offer. Some junk and others not. I was tempted to buy a wooden carved boogie board and had to be talked out of it. I don’t care if I can’t swim and really have no purpose for it. I just thought it would look quaint beside my wooden carved Buddha (the one I tell everyone it is form Mozambique, but is from Pier One) in my living room.

Corporations were out there in full force, giving away free stuff. So, I took a free fan and a couple of cans of Coke Zero.

cokkBut, let me tell you… it looked like Coke.

It popped and fizzed like Coke.

But, it sure as hell ain’t taste like Coke!

I don’t give a care if it says, “Real Coke Taste”. It is the same thing that drug dealers say about the coke they sell, but then they go and mix it up with other drugs. Or, who wants marijuana laced with Coke either and then instead of just being plain ass hungry afterwards, you are hungry and messed up! All of the sudden the Twinkies are talking to each other in the middle of your late night cravings at the local convenience store? Not that I know this for sure. It is definitely just a for instance!

So, I promptly threw the stuff away! So to get the taste out of my mouth, I did try to find a Pink Berry store, but couldn’t find it nowhere, so I walked back to the car…of course, with a small detour past the men playing with their 3789372786_520d347a41balls.cooltext430159360

And my possums, I leave you with this thought for the day-the art of war may be learned in a quick pick-up game of basketball, but the art of men is the real true battle.

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