But, let me tell you how I was literally dying with my sick self in bed, when a single thought came to me, “What can I yam to make myself feel better.” I know that it was a slippery slope to Oprah-ville (her issues with emotional eating are legendary), but I figured I was sick, I need a little vacation from my four walls. You know how I do.

So, I thought, “Lucresia, girl, you need you’s some Chinese food!”

But, of course!

So, I drove with a friend, cause I was not going to come out of the car. I had to sneak down to the car park, so that no one would see me. I thought I looked ravishing, but my friend, would beg to differ. Beg to differ my ass! And besides the lighting is very poor in here!

But, of course!

So, I parked outside my favorite Chinose Place called Peking Garden. For all of you not in the knows, it is located at the corner of Morningside and Ellesmere. The beyotches don’t deliver to me, but their balls are just faboosh! So, my friend, Stupida, went in and I waited and waited.

And then it happened!

They say that sometimes in your life divine intervention seems to just swoop in and give you a little piece of a gem.

It is a gem that should be relished and coveted. A gem that should bring a smile to your face later on in your yester-years. A gem, that should calm you in the storms of your life and rock you gently when you most need it. A gem, that when the chips are low the gambler looks deep within and keeps on going.

I saw a priest walking out of a store!

The name of the store is Cupid’s Boutique.

The store is a sex store.

Hello Friar Fuck!!!!

You know there are times when you are caught up in a swirl of such mendacity that you cannot even wipe the shocked look off of your face. Well, honey chile, this was one of those looks!

I use to get in trouble from my mother to always hold in my bottom lip. It drove me crazy, but looking back, I now see where it would do me some good.

And Possums, this was not one of those times!

My mouth dropped so low and wide that even my soul stepped out of my body, turned around and pulled it back up! But, before my soul could do that, the priest in his casual garb of black, looked up at me, embarrassed and quickly scooted into his Lincoln.

Now, not for nothing, I am not the type of person to judge someone to get their puss on, but come on, a priest! I was wondering if he was using the people’s donations.

Anyhoo, the bag he was carrying was the most tiniest tiny little brown paper bag. And he was holding it up in front of his chest. I wonder what was in such a bag that was so small?

So I thought to myself-“nipple clamps?”

Ouch!

“Vaginal lubricant?”

As if!

“Condoms?”

Doubt it, cause the bag didn’t have the tell-tale signs of a box.

I would like to think it was a cock ring. Definitely a cock ring! I mean maybe he uses it to hold his erections longer while masturbating? I know that if I had a penis, I would!

When Stupida came out, she saw that I was laughing, And when I was not laughing, then I was in tears. When I was not in tears, I was gesturing.

Then I was silent.

Poor Stupida thought that I was in hysterics over the fact that I have the flu. When I finally told her what happened she wouldn’t believe me! Can you imagine! And it is not like she is Catholic or anything. I mean I know she prays to GOD when she is low on rent, but for some strange reason she thinks that priests do not have any sort of sexual fantasies at all.

I agreed with Stupida in the car, and when we reached home I made her sit on my couch and turn the television to the news!

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