I was giving myself my weekly mud mask, when I caught a look at myself in the mirror. I was black face! I am already black so there is no racism going on here…I think (okay Mr. Connick Jr,).

Anyhoo, I smiled to myself and then I noticed my teeth. I have been very fortunate to have very white and straight teeth. I must have got them from my father’s side. And up against my darkened skin, my teeth are extremely white! I felt like a model for Colgate! I was staring at my two front teeth when I wondered to myself, “Do men with buck teeth make better lovers?”

So, as you know I have to dive in to research for this.

Now, let’s take the clitoris, which may be God’s gift to many women, but to me God’s gift to women is really the dishwasher.

But, I digress.

I remembered one of the first times I had an “official” orgasm. It surprised not only me, but him as well, but it didn’t last long, cause as I said it took me by surprised so much so that I punched him in the chest out of ecstasy and he flew backwards off the bed! I became like a bank, it ended up being a very quick withdrawal.

Afterward, as I inhaled his second-hand smoke, I frantically tried to decipher in my head what brought on the orgasm. I know that the clitoris has to have constant action in order for it too become fully aroused. All this time I kept on paying too much attention to the “canal” of the vagina, thinking that is where all the magic was, but no it was in this little rosebud. Now, if a man has straight teeth, it is okay but, it would almost feel as if you are rubbing against a polished cardboard. No friction, no nothing. Well, maybe you will get a little something, but not much. Now, suppose the man was bucked teeth? Then there would be extra friction, when both teeth went back and forth over the clitoris, non? But, of course! Think about it, while the bottom part of his mouth is gently gnawing away at your masterpiece, the top part is mechanically rubbing over your precious jewel. It is like an Energizer Bunny, with the drums! It can keep going and going!

Now, this is not for the faint-hearted! You NEED to inspect your subject’s teeth before you begin. How you do that is you business. For me, I would tell him to open up Jigga Man, I need to check your teeth for some extra tissues.

You know how I do.

Why?

You need to check for not only gingivitis, but for ridges and cracks. If his mama could not make a pact with GOD to give him perfect teeth, you know that with those buckaroos, some hard ridges cannot be too far behind!

Now, next time I will research if having a space between the teeth helps.