From Lucresia’s hospital bed as dictated to Ava Linton-Byron:

I am alive!

I am in love with life!

I am depressed.

I am full of anxiety!

And I am lonely!

Feels like a typical night for a young single girl. Non?

I love it when another draws a bath for you. The warm water cascading out of the faucets, the soft caress of the steam as it gently rises from where ever it comes from. So soothing! Then this person must add Epsom Salt to draw out not only the impurities of the skin, but the aches and pains of one’s body. All you need is some candles, some incense and Ella Fitzgerald playing in the background.

Well…

But, let me tell you that it did not necessarily go down that way! It weren’t all that romantic! Having a big burly woman, way bigger than myself, pushing her buttocks all up in my face as she fiddled with the faucets, as I tried to lower my sore voluptuous body into the steel tub. Do you know that Miss Nurse-Ain’t–So-Lightly, even scoffed at the fact that I dipped my big toe in the water before I got into it. The nerve! Doesn’t everyone dip their toes before they go in?

And all the salts of the Epsom (where ever country that is) went up my bottom! I guess, I should not complain. At least it was not a penis!

I did ask her for some shampoo and got in trouble cause I used it for bubble bath. Do you know that 2 in 1 shampoos are not really that oily after all. I guess I thought it was going to be more of a bath body oil or something.

And forget about the modesty. All that is thrown out the window! She saw both my boobies and my extremely tight front! Yes, you read that in bold! I am not use to someone else see all my pieces, without something in return. Yes, my Possums, I am a closeted man. I love to be on the receiving end!

I will go into all the harrowing details of what happened that Sunday night of November 8, 2009 at approximately 8:45PM. But, in the meantime, I will dictate all my posts to Ava from my hospital bed and she has agreed been coerced into typing it for me.

I would not be myself, if I did not give her some ground rules:

• Ava must not write her own posts.

• Ava must write down everything, word for word and type it down as such!

• Ava must not inject her own style in my writing. God has smiled down on me and have given me a “temporary” secretary. I feel like Don Draper!

• Ava must not place her pictures in any of the posts.

• Ava must not put a link to her website, put up her headshot, or try to solicit any acting work.

• Ava must not sign off with her own name. She must always use “love, Lucresia.”

My promise to her is that she will get a free dinner at Red Lobster. It cannot only be when there is all-you-can-eat-shrimp-fest either. And I must get her a Wii for Christmas…along with DJ HERO Renegade!

So, “à toute à l’heure” or in certain social circles, “toddles” for now.

Possums, I miss you so much!

By the way, there is a lot of drugs here!

And it is FREE!

And it is on the regular!

You say, “ouch!” then a lovely lady comes a trotting. Drug dealers need to think of a way to have an intercom in their customers’ rooms, so when they need some, push a button and then the drugs appear! I think I have stumbled on to a new invention/industry….or maybe that is what a phone is!

And the best part is that sometimes my “medicine” comes in the form of a whole bag intravenously connected to one’s arm.

Heavenly!

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