My possums, my cheeks have seen the light!

So, player, play on…

As you know that I was engaged, unwillingly mind you, in car accident about two weeks ago now. Besides the drugs, which I took anyways, the only other perk is getting daily massages.

Top Drawer!

So, after our initial meeting, where the massage therapist assessed my situation, I let my face grow to a bright crimson when he looked at the doctor’s notes and mentioned that my Gluteus Maximus was tender. I hate discussing my plump arms. I told him that yes my arms were very tender looking…I guess. He kind of threw me a puzzled look and brushed off my answer. He then let me know that he was referring to my bottom-that my bottom was called a Gluteus Maximus and it was tender.

But of course!

I know what he was going to ask me next. Why was my bottom so tender? I didn’t let him get another word in as I went into a whole soliloquy about the trials and tribulations of Lucresia Linton’s derriere. I let Mr. Massage Man know that my bottom was tender to touch through no fault of my own! It is not as if I let anything come close to it, nor in it. I wasn’t that type of girl. Well, I am that type of girl, so hush up!

But, I found that when I walk everything feels so disconnected almost like when you are in the middle of having sex and you realize that your partner is all about himself and not about you and then you are going to finish with no finale and when he gets up to go to the bathroom and you quickly get dressed and grab the keys and he comes out naked and sees you dressed and you let him know that you have to drop him home right now cause you have to get up early the next morning for a doctor’s appointment that you keep putting it off and the whole time in the car you keep thinking to yourself that you should not only rethink having flings with men who still live at home with their mother sister, but maybe hot pink on your finger nails is not really a good accessory to your winter wardrobe.

Well, after I gave Mr. Massage Man an earful, he let me know that all he was going to ask me was to measure the pain for him from one to ten.

Ooops! But, of course!

Anyways, thank Christ for patient and doctor privileges. I think I worded that right. He was a doctor and I was going to get me some privileges!

First, he leaned his body weight on me, and my back cracked in all the wrong places. I was already on the fence about the whole thing when I thought to myself, well at least he has on some nice Christmas-y type of tunes playing in the background. And anything by Nat King Cole always puts me in the mood. I glanced over my shoulder and saw him pump from this big huge ass bottle of massage oil. It was about 5 gallons. I smiled to myself because I had the same one by my bed. But, of course! So, he started to slowly stroke my aching muscles. Good! Then he did some long strokes down my back. Very Good! Then he needled around my waist. Quite Enjoyable! Then he started to stroke my ass cheeks!

Hello!

Possums, there comes a time in one’s life every year when you always wonder to yourself when is it time to celebrate Christmas. You know, the time when you start to look for Christmas decorations in the mall and listen for it on the radio. You don’t want to celebrate it too early when people are just getting over Halloween. Well, my Possums, I am here to tell you that Christmas is here!

Possums, it was so good! And you would be so proud of me, I kept it very professional. I did everything in my powers to not clinch my bottom.

However…

He stroked.

I clinched.

He rubbed.

I clinched.

He kneaded.

I clinched.

I pittered.

He pattered.

He hammered.

And I let him!

Oh, the rhythm of it all. And I was enjoying all of it!

And then I had a thought, “what would have happened if I got my bum massaged at 80 years old?” I, for sure would definitely fart since I wouldn’t be able to control my extremities properly then. As I had this thought, I began to chuckle.

Possums, did you know that your bum is directly connected to your brain?

It is funny how your thoughts could just run away from you when a person is handling your bum.  It is also funny that even when you are laughing inside, your bottom ain’t, so it jiggles… beyond control.  To think that such a small thing could have so many nerve endings!

I may be closer to having anal sex than I thought.

Top Drawer!

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