Possums, the ass in its totality is such a beautiful, often neglected instrument…

Or so I thought!!!

I am so weirded out! I am too embarrassed to tell you what happened.

I can‘t sleep.

I can’t feel.

I can’t eat. Okay I can still eat, but since I am on my Kate Moss Diet, not so much! I want to feel as good as skinny feels!

I don’t want to go back to the Physio place anymore!

I don’t know if I could even share this with anyone… okay, I have shared it with five people, and by now they have all told me to shut up about it already.

Possums, did you know that having your back and ass massaged can give you a migraine?

All was well in Lucresiaville. I was going to get me some rub a dub dub and then finish off my day at the local bookstore. I like to get a latte and a lemon cranberry muffin.  The combination is just top drawer!

It all started when I didn’t get one of my usual two guys. I disrobed and leaped on to the table and waited for the man to come back in. We exchanged as much pleasantries as one could exchange during these times-me being butt naked and him, not.  And with a quick flick of a switch he put some nature music on;  you know the kind that doesn’t really sound like nature at all.  SIDE NOTE: I have been in many a bush and I can’t recall hearing any flutes and clarinets a blowing! Well…something else was blowing, but never you mind.

And then Massage Man came towards me….

And instead of warming up the massage oil in his hand, Jigga proceeded to pour the cold oil right on my back! My back arched so high that you would thought I was giving head to a long duck dong! But, I wasn’t, cause I don’t do that sort of thing.

It was just a for instance.

Anyways, I threw my neck and back out.  I tried to get up, but I couldn’t even speak. I kept on sliding on the bed because Jigga went and poured like half the bottle of oil on my back. I felt like ten pieces of KFC fighting in their greasy bucket of oil! I went one way, he went another way. And although, I laid on my stomach, it could not keep still! He kept on rolling me all over the place like a was the top of a pie on a cookie sheet! And then my skin started to feel irritated, or maybe it was me. But, it started to feel like it was on fire, as if I was allergic to all that oil. No woman ever wants to feel THAT wet.

Well, maybe…

But, I digress!

I am so distraught that I high-tailed out of there so fast! My head started to throb like crazy, and now I am stuck at home taking all sorts of pills to get rid of my headache. Now, I am angry!

My back is out!

My neck hurts!

I didn’t even get to go to the bookstore!

And my ass has not been rubbed!

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