Jan
21
Miss Dirty Martini Yes!
More from Karl Lagerfeld shoot with burlesque dancer Miss Dirty Martini in Coco Chanel’s apartment for the upcoming issue of V magazine “ Size issue”; as shown on Models.com.
Never Trust A Woman To Judge Another Woman’s Looks...especially when they are speaking about a photo that has clearly (unintentional, so it seems) been “doctored.”
Left: the NY Times image; Right:The Original Image
Miss Cathy Horyn wrote in her “Further Reflections on a Golden I” piece, “Not pretty Christina Hendricks in Christian Siriano’s exploding ruffle dress.” (As one stylist said, ‘You don’t put a big girl in a big dress’).
The photo running with Miss Horyn’s piece was clearly distorted.
Miss Horyn has since updated her post (below):
“A number of readers raised concerns that the photo of Christina Hendricks at
the Golden Globe Awards had been deliberately altered. The photo was slightly distorted inadvertently due to an error during routine processing. The photograph has been replaced.”
MMmmn…whatever! A photo can be replaced, but not a comment!
If Miss Horyn and this stylist think that Miss Hendricks is a “big girl”. Well, Possums, my body looks more like
the one on the left and I guess that makes me a heffa!
Girl!
Girlfriend!
Honey Chile!
I have mad love for you and I think your are so talented. But, my friend, why, oh, why do you have so much hair on your legs?
I know that you have told us all many times that your sex life is so hot. I bet your bed must be electrified…with static electricity!
Darn Tootin’!
Jan
19
An Aside-Dr. Zoo
My phone rang today.
“Quick, Lucresia, turn on to channel 114!” said my mother.
“Why?” I asked.
“Dr. Zoo, is talking about the same thing you suffer from, migraines, quick, before it done!”
“Dr. Zoo? Is he new?” I asked as I turned to the channel. “Oh, you mean, Dr. Oz,” I stated.
“It is not Dr. Zoo? I thought it was spelled, Z and O and O?” asked my mother.
“It is Mom. O and then the Z…Dr. Oz,” I corrected her.
“Wait, let me see. Oh, you are right. What a stupid name!”
Jan
17
An Aside-Getting My Puss On
I can’t get Miss Bianca’s outfit out of my head.I am so bringing this back on stage one day!
I want my titays out when I get married, too.
I want to ride into a club on a white horse, too.
Any color horse.
Why differentiate?
I like riding.
Any woman wh
o has the gall to marry a man with the most stretchable and biggest lips in all of history, and live to tell the story, is my kind of woman!
Side Note: I think Mick Jagger’s female counterpart, with the lips thing, is 
definitely Julia Roberts, non?
Can you imagine the nights that he went down on Ms. Bianca! No, lie, Possums, I am so imagining this fact!!! Mind you, with myself in her place.
Darn Tootin’!
To say that she is exotic does not do Ms. Bianca enough justice. Her dark squinty eyes an
d her full plump lips are quite bodacious. You could see why Mr. Big Lips was so drawn to her or maybe it was because it was a shot gun wedding, perhaps? But, of course!
She has had many a fabulous fashion moments. I think the most famous one has been the one where she wore an Yves St. Laurent original white suit and matching broad hat to her wedding to Mr. Big Lips on May 12, 1971.
On October 21, 1971 in Paris, France, their daughter, Jade Sheena Jezebel Jagger. Whew! What a mouthful!
So, was her father.
“My marriage ended on my wedding day,” she has stated. You know what they say 
about men with big lips? They should be shared. Okay, no one said that, but I bet Mick thought of it and Miss Jerry Hall too! God did not build Rome, only for it to be teared down and built again. It was built for a reason. To be oogled at.
But, I digress.
In May 1978 she filed for divorce on the grounds of his adultery with model Jerry 
Hall, the
divorce was finalized in 1979.
Miss Bianca currently serves as a Council of Europe Goodwill Ambassador. She has earned numerous awards for her international work on behalf of humanitarian causes.
And although she has since remarried, she has never ever let go of her famous name.
Quite fashionable indeed!
A very close relative of mine is in the hospital with a bad case of the hemorrhoids.
I sent flowers. I think that this is what one should send in a time like this.
And, of course, 
you know me, I have to go and search on the Internet to see how and why these things come to be, and how can I avoid them:
1. Drink a lot of water-check!
2. Take in a lot of fiber-check! And I guess I should up the number of whole wheat pancakes I eat; extra butter and syrup, of course!
3. When you have a bowel movement, do not strain-
check! Okay, sometimes, I strain, but that is only because I forgot to press the pause button on my PVR and I have to run back or I will miss an integral part of a television show….but I guess that is why PVRs have REWIND buttons, too.
Anyhoo, I have my own three-point check system, which I have been using for years and it has helped me avoid many a pain in the area of the hole of my ass:
1. Don’t let anything near my ass-check!
2. Don’t let anything go up in my ass-check!
3. Start having sex with the light on, so that nothing by mistake goes anywhere near the vicinity of my ass! Check!
I was bothering Ava, talking about all that I saw on the Internet on hemorrhoids (SIDE NOTE: Do not, I repeat, do not type in the word, hemorrhoids and click the IMAGE button!!!) And Ava, was getting upset, with me, that she told me to stop speaking about Gentiles!
I said, “Ava, don’t you mean genitals!”
“No. Gentiles. Can you please stop talking about people’s gentiles it is so disgusting!”
“Ava, it is g-e-n-i-t-a-l-s! Don’t you remember Jesus talking about Jews and Gentiles in the Bible?” I asked.
“Oh, wait. I remember Gentiles. It was in the Martin Luther King Jr. speech?”
“I guess. And I don’t recall Martin Luther King Jr., nor Jesus, talking about anyone’s genitals!”
Lucresialinton.com is a blog by Jazz singer, Lucresia Linton about God, sex, relationships, men, women and love. Lucresia Linton's aim is to reach, teach, squeeze, inspire, and learn from the world. Miss Linton is looking to talk with like-minded individuals in the hope that somewhere out there is a depth-defying, soul shaking love.
The truth?
One day Miss Ava turned to her and told her that she heard all her stories.
Every single one.
Heartbroken, Lucresia Linton decided to turn to the internet. She believes that if God gives you lemons, then you must order your very rude child to make you a pitcher of lemonade and go find an audience elsewhere!
Miss Linton lives by the motto- "Let your life be a testimony to all that walk the face of the earth."
Miss Linton wants you to know that yes, she thought of that quote all by herself!
*Yes, Miss Linton likes to call her friends, "Possums". She has to have a nickname for everything! She was already using "Beaver" for something else.
***Yes, Miss Linton welcomes all comments, but if they are rude then don't bother. She is a sensitive soul, in other words, irrational, and she will put you in a web cock-hold without given it a moment's thought!
à toute à l'heure!
Possums,
Come do moi and I will do you at twitter.com/lucresialinton
See you then.
L.
Follow @LucresiaLinton
Click link below and follow me on Bloglovin
