Heartbroken, Lucresia Linton decided to turn to the internet. She believes that if God gives you lemons, then you must order your very rude child to make you a pitcher of lemonade and go find an audience elsewhere!
I have been sitting around trying to put together my New Year’s Resolution and so far this is all I came up with:
1. My Nose-Maybe I will get my nose done this year. Some days I love my nose and some day
s I hate it. It is a fine line between big and small my nose is, almost as fine a line as the one I notice the make-up artist drawing on the side of it to contour it down, so, it could end up looking like this:
But, thank my lucky stars my mother was quite choosey on whom
she slept with or it could have ended up looking like this:
2. My Bottom-I always felt that my bottom was quite a bit on the smallish side, or as Ava likes to remind me, my ass is more on the flat side. I have thrown around the idea of getting butt implants for quite some time now. I would love it if would come out looking
like this:
But, thank my lucky stars my mother was quite choosey on whom she slept with or it could have been like this:
3. My Breasts-As you know I had a breast reduction done when I was sixteen years old, but then they grew back! Fortunately, they have retained a nice shape, although I am now in the Double D 
status. I often wondered if I go back and get them done, maybe they won’t fall off to the side when I am napping. So, they could end up looking like this:
But, thank my lucky stars my mother was quite choosey on whom she slept with or it could have been like this:
4. My Thighs- I thought that as I work out religiously every day…okay, maybe as religious as I venture into Church, I have contemplated doing Endermologie to remove my cellulite. I know
cellulite is a very “human” thing to have and I should be glad that I have two legs to stand on, when others don’t. It is silly really. But, as one could imagine, if I got them done then I could walk around in itty-bitty shorts looking like this:
But, thank my lucky stars my mother was quite choosey on whom she slept with or it could have been like this:
5.
My Pill Taking-Ummm…I realize that my list is still a work in progress and I shouldn’t beat myself down at all.
I think that maybe this will be my first New Year’s Resolution that won’t be about aiming for what I don’t have, but thank my lucky stars and okay maybe my mother, for all the things that I do have.
How’s your’s coming along?
