Possums, but let me tell you what I have been dealing with in my household of late.

Since, Ms. Amanda Seyfried (whom I loved in Mean Girls, because she tuned her nipples) came out and told the world and Esquire that she is now on a raw-food diet.

“I’m on a raw-food diet,” she declares, raising her brows to make her eyes even bigger. “It’s intense. And sort of awful. Yesterday for lunch? Spinach. Just spinach. Spinach and some seeds.”

Possums, Miss Ava has now hit the mother load!

People have to remember to be very careful what they say because kids are very impressionable.  Ava is now trying to be on the raw-food diet. Not for nothing, I have been on a raw-food diet before. It was when I decided to have sex really raw. I know it is not the same thing, but in the end, neither of us was cooked!  I, myself am still sticking to my low no-carb diet. Which is why I don’t eat chips… they tend to fall in my bra.

So, there we were yesterday at Wal-Mart perusing their vitamin section. I have been feeling really tired of late. Not, because of what you think. Okay, it may be a little of that, but I think that somehow my energy is being depleted. Possums, I never told you this, but I suffer from Sickle Cell Trait, so I tend to get anemic at times. Don’t worry Possums, it is not the disease, just the trait. I never ever had to use it to my advantage, except when I tried to get out of high school gym class. You would think that the P.E. teacher would let me sit there and relax.  Hell Na!  The woman made me follow her and the rest of the girls carrying around a big bag of balls!

Possums, a whole bag of balls!

Little did I know that it was to prepare me for things to come!

Ha!

Anyhoo, Possums, you can’t imagine the amount of people that were in the vitamin section-tons! There were all shapes, sizes, and creeds. It felt like a good day at the United Nations! I had to elbow myself in there. I got pushed over by a geriatric and stubbed my toe! I almost asked her, “who let her out of the home?” But I bit my tongue.

I had read the night before that I should pick up both Vitamin B-12 and Iron, but I wanted to consult with the pharmacist, just in case.

“Hi,” I said to the lady at the counter, “Is that the pharmacist over there?”

“Yes it is. Someone wants to ask you a question,” she called out. There were a ganglion of people waiting to be served. Since, I was not going to cash out there, I didn’t considered it “budding”. I was just “asking”.

“How can I help you?” she shouted out to me a yonder from her high counter, which was a ways away from where I was standing.

“Sorry to trouble you, but is extra Vitamin B-12 alright to take along with my multi-vitamins?” I asked.

“Yes. It is used for those who suffer from low energy,” she called out, turning her ears towards me.

“And is it okay for me to mix this here iron pills with the Vitamin-B12?” I asked trying to raise my voice over the crowd.

“Yes, but let me warn you that you will get constipated and your feces have a strong possiblilty of turning the color green,” she shouted.

Sacrebleu!

Again, Sacrebleu!

Everyone looked at me and laughed.  Possums, I was completely gobsmacked! I will never bud again!

“Sure, hind’s sight is 20/20, or is it 40/40, but what about patient and doctor privileges?” I asked Ava as I sped around the corner telling her what just happened.

“I think that is when you are alone together, and besides, she ain’t no doctor,” she answered.

“You know I don’t get that.  Why do all that schooling and you ain’t going to just go all the way?  I always make sure I go all the way!” I said.

“I’m sure you do!” said Ava.