Inside McDonald’s McCafe

Philadelphia, PA

I called it an early night, after I was given a tour of my Aunt’s new basement. Possums, why do black people always include their washer and dryer in their house tours?  Did I mention that the only object left standing after the fire was their Bob Marley poster!

Talk about ‘Catch a Fire’!

My Aunt had set us up in the front room this time. It has an air mattress, which would probably be fun for most people, but for me it isn’t. Ava was asleep on one side and no sooner than I hopped onto the bed, I bounced right off of it, hit the wall and landed on the floor!

Do you know Ava didn’t move???

My Uncle offered up his massage table for me to sleep on, instead. Don’t ask me why a grown man owns a massage table, but he has one. Dante wanted to sleep on it, but I kindly reminded him that the way he sleeps, before you can say “DAP” his behind would be on the floor. Dante sleeps badly! Ava made sure to remind him that she already awoke in the middle of the night with his two big hoofs in the middle of her back.

I decided to sleep on the massage table. Big mistake! I never slept on something that hard!

Well…

Anyhoo, I was in so much pain that by 3:00AM I decided to just sleep downstairs on their couch. I sat there thinking about the long journey home ahead of me. Never, ever, ever will I ever drive this far again. Ever! Possums, depending who you are talking to, I don’t like going for long rides. Not even when I am in control and on top! I thought to myself, “How was I going to make it home, when I barely made it here in one piece?”

Then all of the sudden…

POP, POP, POP, POP, POP, POP, POP

Gunshots rang out!

Upon instinct, I grabbed my breasts.

All of them.

Whew, they were still there! Thank, Christ!

Then I screamed out, “What the hell!!!”

Dante came a-running down stairs. (Trust me, if you heard gunshots for the first time at 10 years old, you would be “a running” too)!

I screamed at him, “Is Ava alive?”

“Yeah, I think so?”

“What do you mean you think so? Did you speak to her?” I screamed.

“Yes, I did,” he said.

“Did she answer back?” I questioned.

“Yes, she did.”

“Oh.”

SIDE NOTE: I later found out that as soon as he heard the gunshots, Mr. Dante ran towards the window to look, and Ava gave him a serious tongue lashing!  This he failed to mention to me, which would explain why he wasn’t too much into letting me know whether Ava was alive or not.

The next day, as I was contemplating if that Boutana at the Wal-Mart photo center put a curse on me, my cousin’s wife came over and let us know that a drug dealer shot at a house at the top of the street; just steps from my Aunt’s house.

He shot at the wrong house.

You, see kids, why you should stay away from drugs! If he wasn’t taking drugs at least he would have gotten the job done properly!

The lady who lived in the house slept in her kid’s room, since it was really cold, that night. Normally, she slept in her own room. The bullets went into a wall in the her bedroom. The lady was now waiting for the police to come over, and not only write up a report, but take the bullets out of the wall.

God is so good!

And with that, Possums, it is SO time for me to go on home. I miss Canada. I am not saying that we don’t have crime or anything. We do. But, this is way too much for me to handle!

Possums, I still jump when I hear the garbage truck picking up the trash on Mondays!

By the way, my Aunt slept through the entire ordeal, like it was nothing.

Yep, it’s time to go home.

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