Possums, would you like to know how far a Barbie doll could travel?

Ask Miss Ava, she’ll tell you.

I saw a commercial for young and grown-ass  women a-like where you are asked to describe not only how much Barbie means to you, but her influences on your life over the years and in 500 words or less. Ava was soo excited, as she took out her little pen.  She then asked me to help fill in the blanks, because she was at a lost for words.

I remember once when a relative tried to buy Ava a Barbie. Him, being Black Muslim and very militant (don’t ask), picked up a black one. She didn’t want a black one. Miss Ava wanted a white one. He was very insistent that a young black girl should have a Barbie that looked like her(???). Ava begged to differ.

Looking back, it was so sad. It was like Ava was Miss Daisy, and she didn’t want no black person driving her no where! While, I was caught up in their argument, Ava went into such a tantrum, that she threw the Barbie up and over the aisle at Wal-Mart…not before knocking over some of their upper shelf inventory.

I couldn’t go to Wal-Mart for weeks due to embarrassment. I probably saved, let me see:

Average dollars spent at Wal-Mart per visit-$73.54

Times I go to Wal-Mart per week-3

Total saved-A lot!

Thank you Miss Daisy Ava!

So I asked Ava to sit down and poise her pen for some Barbie knowledge, as I asked myself-“Can I relate to Barbie?”

No, but Barbie just might be the one thing I always wished I could be:

• Barbie has a toothy grin

• Long legs that are somewhat bowl-legged and no cellulite

• Feet that have really high arch, good for wearing high-heels

• Uppity-buppity breasts

• Teeny tiny waist that one could put their fingers around

• Straw for hair

• A very flat front

• A non-existent vagina; though there seems to be a line that goes length-wise. Intentional or not, it would make for a quicker penis access, good thinking on Mattel’s part

• A tight hard bottom, that is almost plastic

• I am not even going to go into the deeper stuff, such as no bowel movements, monthly visitors or flatulence

• a big space between her legs
• a man with coiffed-up hair, amazing wardrobe and a painted mouth, which means that I could argue and he will never back-chat me
• A man with no penis, so he will spend more time pleasuring and focusing on me…and always with a permanent smile

I looked up at Ava, and told her to make sure that she emphasized that last point. She looked at me and then she walked away. I was so caught up in my soliloquy that I hadn’t noticed that she stopped writing…a long time ago.

Poo, poo on her, Possums!

I don’t care. I’m a still gonna do it!

Do you think the good folks at Mattel will pick me as the winner?

All Contents Copyright 2008-2011. lucresialinton.com All Rights Reserved.