Possums, would you like to know what happens when you leave an impressionable child

for one hour with a cantankerous woman?

Well, player read on.

I was on the topic of discussing the upkeep of a woman’s vagina and whatnot’s to Ava, when Miss Ava lets me know that my mother had already explained it to her.

Possums, you know that when an extremely old and wise lady, such as my mother, bestows wisdom upon the population, inquiring minds want to know.

So, I was like, “Do share!”

“Well, you know how God made Adam right?” asked Miss Ava.

“Uh-uh,” I answered.

“And then he made Eve,” Ava stated.

“I remember. I was there and…” I said.

“One day, Adam walked passed Eve and he noticed a strong smell coming from her. Adam realized that the smell was coming from her underarm and he made Eve lift it up. Well underneath, Adam discovered that God had placed her vagina there,” said Ava, pausing for the effect, looking at me directly.

Holding my gaze, she continued slowly, “Right there in her armpit! Adam, thought to himself that God must have made some kind of mistake cause it really smelled!”

“Are you trying to tell me that Adam really questioned God?” I asked.

“Yes, he did!” answered Ava. “He told God that maybe He needed to re-think His design of the woman and put the vagina some place where it would not smell,” said Ava.

“Or, be noticeable. Can you imagine when Eve had to serve up potato salad at the dinner table and she had to lift up her arms? Hot damn!” I said.

“And that is why God placed the vagina down low at the bottom, so that it could be covered up by her underwear…or leaves…whatever!” she finished.

“Ava, I ask you, if God had really put the vagina underneath her arm…well, are you trying to tell me that during sex, Adam would stick his pecker wood back and forth underneath this woman’s underarm?” I asked.

“Yes!” she answered.

“Well, that’s a position I never tried!” I said.

I then asked Ava, “Okay, Ladybird, why is there still hair underneath the arm, then?”

“Well, God couldn’t leave it empty, so He left hair there to cover up the space where the vagina used to be! That is why there are folds within the armpit”

“But, of course!” I answered.

Possums, I was gob smacked!

Well, not really…

Where do you think I got the “you only have three friends in the world-God, your wallet, and you front” from?

Yes. My mother.

Man. I would have given anything to see the nun at school talk her way out of that one!

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