I have just discovered a get-out-of things-that-I-don’t-feel-like-doing-during-sex-free card!

Historically, women have told men, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.”

Honestly, it was on an episode of “Little House on the Prairie”!

But, Possums, I am not like most women.  Cause we all know that, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache” don’t always go over too well; that men will keep on nagging you to sleep with them, so you do just to shut them up!

Not that this has happened to me.

It is just a for instan…okay, this has happened to me.

And with having Sjögren’s Syndrome, I may one day have to face the possibilities of having a very dry vagina.  What can I say? “Sorry, not tonight King Henry, I’m dry, I have Sjögren’s Syndrome.”

SIDE NOTE: I know. I know. King Henry? Oh, Possums, you don’t know the many names I have had to come up with during the throes of passion.

The best “free card” I have come up with?

“Sorry, King Henry, can you get me another glass of water and while you’re at it make me a sandwich with prosciutto, Swiss cheese, and add some slices of tomato from the second shelf in the fridge, cause I feel dry…I have Sjögren’s Syndrome.”

And instead of going over my grocery lists in my head, I will now have to think of all things wet during sport nooky:

1. Niagara Falls

2. A summer’s day on a Slip and Slide

3. Running through sprinklers naked

4. Swimming at the beach

5. George Clooney

6. George Clooney

7. George Clooney

But, I digress.

Possums, they say that when God gives you lemons, you should beat them into a froth, pour them into a crust and make lemon meringue pie!  So, if and when I need to, I have carefully compiled a list of “sayings” to get me out of a jam:

1. “Sorry dear, I can’t do doggy-style tonight, I have rheumatoid arthritis.”

2. “Sorry dear, I can’t stroke your manhood, I have rheumatoid arthritis.”

3. “Sorry, dear, I can’t ride you like a horsey cause my back hurts, cause I have rheumatoid arthritis.”

4. “Sorry, dear, I know that you want me on my knees, but I can’t, I have rheumatoid arthritis.”

5. “Sorry, dear, I can’t massage your back, I have rheumatoid arthritis.”

6. “Sorry, dear, why don’t you massage my back instead, do you remember I have rheumatoid arthritis!”

7. “Sorry, dear, my best friend can’t watch, I have rheumatoid arthritis.”

8. “Sorry, dear, can you hold the vibrator instead, cause my hands are shaky, I have rheumatoid arthritis.”

9. And my favorite-”Sorry dear, I can’t open my mouth that wide, cause I have rheumatoid arthritis. What do you mean, rheumatoid arthritis has nothing to do with my mouth?”

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