“Why are you walking like that?” I asked Ava.

We had just come back from one of my favorite place in the world-Wal-Mart. I was on a mission. A mission to buy a douche! I had just explained to Ava all the benefits and reasons for douching. Ava was intrigued. The last thing I remember was answering her question-“Do I douche before I bathe or after?” I told her that it doesn’t matter. I guess before.

You see Possums, I was going to a wedding on Saturday and every time I will cross my legs, I want to smell like cherry cheesecake….well, without the cheese part!

“So, why are you walking like that?” I asked her.

“I don’t think that I can do it anymore?” she responded.

“Do what?” I asked.

“Douching! I think I am gonna become a nun, so that no man can touch me, cause it is gonna hurt!”

“You were probably tense.”

“Were you tense the first time you douched?”

“Nope,” I told her. I looked into her eyes and sensed that I better deliver a better “story” for her to relate to. “But, I did get a tampon stuck in me once. And that was my first time. Man was that painful!”

“You did? Why?” she asked.

“Obviously, because I am so petite!”

“Yeah right!”

“Anyhoo, what had happened was I needed one while I was at the mall. So, there I was in the stall trying to put it in. Well, the damn thing hurt! So, then I tried to pull it out, since it wasn’t even all the way up. Well, do you know the thing wouldn’t even come down. And then I heard a voice.”

“A voice? What did it say?” asked Ava.

“It told me to relax my muscles down there and then all will be well. I think it was Yoda.”

“So did it come out?” she asked.

“No, Ava. I’m still walking with it in right now! Of course, it came out! Mind you a good twenty minutes later! When I came out the stall there was a line up. I think they thought I was doing a number two cause I was grunting softly and everything,” I explained.

“Well, I know that I stuck it up the right hole, cause it is the only one there. Is it suppose to go all the way up?” she asked.

“No, fool! You are not trying to wash out your insides!  Just halfway through! Anyways it shouldn’t hurt. I didn’t hurt me!” I told her showing off.

“Because you already had your cherry popped…and you have a wide vagina!”

“What?” I asked her.

“And you’ve had a lot of sex…so you have a wide vagina!”

“Excuse you?”

“Maybe I should become a lesbian cause they don’t have pee-pees and they ain’t got nothing to stick me with!”

“Well, then be prepared to Man-ja-some-cake, darling. Man-ja-some-cake!” I told her.

“But, then I won’t be able to have children.”

“Of course you can. You can just buy one.”

Ava was quiet for awhile. After ten minutes, I decided to get up and walk away.

“After your first time, were you able to walk?” she called out.

“Yeah. Unfortunately!”

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