Oh, Possums.

Oh, my Possums.

Oh, my, my, my, Possums.

There is a phrase that Jamaicans like to say, “never follow fashion.”

In English, it means, “never follow fashion.”

I was getting ready to pick up my sister Charro from her home that she shares with my parents. I promised to take her to IKEA to pick up a new bookcase.

The cell phone rang.

“I am already on my way,” I told her.

“I need to tell you something,” she said pausing for the effect.

“Oh, my goodness! Is it Dad?” I asked her.

“No, nerd!”

“Is it Mom?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“What happened?” I asked, my mind frantic.

“I am calling you to warn Ava not to say anything when she sees her tonight.”

“Warn her? What’s wrong with Mom?” I questioned.

“Mom got eyelash extensions.”

Pause.

Big deal! Just last week I told both my mother and my sister that I wanted to get eyelash extensions cause I saw this girl in a magazine. The woman’s neck looked like she was sixty, but her eyes looked like she was twenty years old!  My mother, as usual, pooh-poohed the idea and that was that.

“So? I wanted them too,” I told her.

“Well, I got them too…but she also got her eyebrows done,” she said.

“Oh, did she get them waxed or threaded?” I asked.

“Tattooed,” she said.

“What?” I asked.

“Tattooed,” she repeated.

“She got them tattooed?” I asked.

“Yeppers and that’s why I am calling to warn Ava cause you won’t believe what Dante did!”

“What did Dante do?” I asked.  SIDE NOTE: Dante is her Michael Jackson-Battista-Usher-loving- son. When he grows up he wants to be a dancer, a singer and a professional wrestler.

“Mom came in and Dante was eating. I saw that Dante mouth was going to form the words ‘What the hell!!!!’ so I jumped over the stool and stood in between them so that I could give him a dirty look head on!”

“Well, did Dante say anything?” I asked her, laughing.

“Nope, but he just couldn’t stop staring at her. Her and her eyebrows.”

Yes, Possums, her eyebrows are their own entity!

“So, you have been warned,” she finished.

Possums, I wanted to see this for myself. But, how bad could it be? I just got cussed off for having done two new tattoos on my arms a mere two weeks ago. My mother never liked tattoos. ‘Til this day, she still firmly believes that I forced my brother and my sister to get their tattoos. Just because I drove them there, helped them pick it out, paid for it and held their hand, doesn’t mean I forced them! They are adults. They can make up their own mind!

Later on Possums, I finally saw my mother when I drove up to the house.

“It doesn’t look so bad,” I told my sister as she came in the car, showing me a picture on her phone.

“That is because she put foundation on it!” she whispered.

“Really? Oh, Dry!”

“Yes, really.”

“But, it is not even the eyebrows. I can’t get over the eyelashes! Why did you guys let her put it on such long ones? She looks doe-eyed. She looks like Bambi’s mother!” I told her.

“I don’t know why the lady put on such long ones,” she replied.

“How much did it cost?” I asked my sister.

“$35.00.  We got it in that place attached to the convenience store.”

“That’s why! No, eyelash extension should cost only $35.00! It should cost over $200! Girl, you shouldn’t be able to buy beef patties and a bag of chips with a side of lash extensions and eyebrow tattoos!  I saw this in the other Bible. It’s in Vogue!”

My mother came out of the house with the leaf blower. I honked at my mother to say hello, she turned around and gave me a quick wave.

Oh, Possums.

Oh, my Possums.

Oh, my, my, my, Possums.

Possums, why can I see her eyebrows from inside the car on the driveway?

I drove off slowly, staring.

I honked again to say good-bye and she turned around.

Possums, why can I see her eyebrows from across the street with the glaring sun beating me in my eye?

While, I drove away I had four thoughts. Number one-when is my sister going to stop laughing? Secondly, if I ever wanted to get a refreshed look without the Botox all I have to do is get my eyebrows tattooed!  Thirdly, ain’t her face going to peel? And lastly, will I forever go down in history as the girl with the mother whose eyelashes and eyebrows make her look like Bambi’s mother?

You know Possums, I did learn something. Sometimes in life no matter how foolish the decision is to the outside world and even to God, maybe in the end you have to do what makes you happy. What makes you, you? What makes you a legend?

I am Legend.

I am Lucresia Linton.

I am Bambi.

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