“What the hell?”

I had taken my sister to IKEA to pick up a bookcase that she fell in love with online. We were standing in front of the display, while her daughter slept peacefully in her car seat.

“Charro, I can’t lift this! This is heavy!”

“Well, I can’t lift this either! Can’t we get an IKEA person to help us?” she asked me.

“No, that’s why they call it SELF-SERVE!” I told her.

And then I saw two guys a yonder. One was short light-skinned and the other was tall and dark. Both Black, with the taller one looking like Akon. I thought to myself, “it is funny how God always happens to send help your way even before you need it!”

I decided to play the L-card.  I never really ever play the L-card.

Well…

The other day I followed a friend as she did her banking and the line was way long. My friend whispered to me, “I should be able to go to the front of the line.”

“Why?” I asked her.

“You have Lupus.”

The other day when I was in the shower, I forgot to get a towel. I could have gotten it myself, but when my toe touched the tile I shrieked.

Ava called out, “What’s wrong?”

“I forgot to get a towel.”

“Don’t worry. I will get it. You have Lupus.”

The other day at dinner, “Where do you think you are going?” asked my mother.

“I am just getting up to get another slice of cake,” I answered.

“No way! You sit down! I will get it for you.” Then she turns to my brother. “Get up and get your sister another piece of cake! She has Lupus!”

So, it is with all this, here I was in IKEA, when I finally decided to play the L-card.

“Hi, there can you help us move this bookcase from up here to down here, please?” asked my sister.

“Really?”  said the light-skinned guy kissing his teeth.

“I would do it myself, but I have Lupus,” I told them both.

“Why you got LUPUS in your hand?” asked the shorter light-skinned one.

But, wait!!!

I really looked at the guys. Tight pants, white tanks with rhinestones, really really clean I-never-even-step-on-a-basketball-court-before-high-tops, and baseball caps. Possums, you know what they say about two Black men walking together in the middle of IKEA with no women or children and no mommas?

They must be cousins!

The nerve!

Chivalry is dead, Possums.

Chivalry is dead!

Anyways, do you know that it was the taller dark one that helped me out first, without batting an eyelash? I know why the light-skinned guy said what he said. Jigga is angry cause God made him so short!

“I didn’t realize that LUPUS effects the hands?” asked the rude light-skinned Jigga.

“That’s why I can’t give hand jobs,” I told them looking dead on.

Caught by surprise, they both dropped the box by accident.

We had to switch it out for a new one.

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