Possums, have you ever let out a primal scream?

Really let out a Primal Scream?

I am not talking about screaming out during sex, cause you should never let out a Primal Scream during sex cause then he will lose his erection!  And not only shame on him, but shame on you too!  I am talking about a primal scream so loud, that it could only come from getting back to the basics. A scream that could be heard across rooftops and as far away as the heavens, so much so that God would turn to Archangel Michael say, “Did I order a thunder storm?”

“No, dear. It’s just Lucresia.”

Possums, it is a scream that could only come from one thing-food poisoning!

I don’t know who’s bright idea was it to take advantage of half-price appetizers at Montana’s, instead of ordering an entrée.…well mine.

But, of course!

As I sit here in my zebra African-print bathroom, usually I look at my basket of vintage magazines filled of models smiling back at me and I think of something philosophical, but Possums, I can’t concentrate! I am in too much pain!  I look at them models and I think to myself-“What in the hell do they have to smile about? Surely, they must be hungry! Hungry and yet smiling! Smiling, yet hungry! I know that if I was hungry you’d have to pay me a lot to smile! Maybe that’s where them models got us beat!

I can’t believe the amount of times I have ended up in the bathroom today alone. And to think of all the money I wasted on enemas when all I had to do was wolf down a “questionable” dinner.

Speaking of enemas, Possums, do you know that there are people who get off on going to the bathroom multiple times?  They are called Klismaphiliacs.

Klismaphilia is the term for those who get sexually aroused and pleasured, by having an enema administered, either by someone, or themselves. In the male, the anterior wall of the rectum is next to the prostate and seminal vesicles. Filling and dilating the rectum with enema solution will cause direct pressure on these structures, as well as causing stimulation of the rectal stretch receptors, hence orgasm.

Now, wasn’t that a mouthful?

But, of course!

Klismaphiliacs actually use specialty enema nozzles that are made from aluminum.

Aluminum!

Aluminum!

No aluminum one for me, Possums.

I will use plastic.

It is a recession.

I remember one time I had to go out and buy one for a good friend of mine. She had got the constipation and needed relieving pronto. But, I didn’t administer her or anything. Nothing like that! The closest I got to administering her was when I knocked, and passed the item through the door , I saw a piece of her bare back!

Klismaphiliacs like to “introduce” different types of liquids into the colon through the anus. Some liquids used include urine, as well as alcohol!

I wonder if most chose Kahlua?  Being brown and all.

Possums, care should be taken when using any liquid other than water, as they can carry infectious bacteria. Anyways, introducing alcohol into the body through an enema can be dangerous, cause it can be absorbed directly into the tissue and blood stream, and can lead a dangerous overdose. So, don’t be a dum-dum.

Since excessive usage of enemas can deplete the body of important nutrients, some enthusiasts of enemas suggest replenishing the body by eating live yogurt.

I don’t even have to tell you that fetishes such as spanking, anal play and diapers are often associated to Klismaphilia. Which I am not surprise!

It is a slippery slope!

Did you that John Harvey Kellogg (yes, the man who invented Corn Flakes with his brother) is nowadays regarded as a textbook case of Klismaphilia?

Possums, let’s just say that I will never view Corn Flakes the same again!

Did you know that this man used to disguise his sexual habits by giving and receiving enemas and inflicting them on other people? The Jigga would go and lock up boys and tape their hands to their crotch, even mutilate them! He believed that a plain and healthy diet, with only two meals a day, among other things, would reduce sexual feelings!

Mr. Flakes would write books and preach against sex and masturbation, saying that it was unnatural and unhealthy.

I couldn’t see his books reaching any bestsellers list!

Bonfire, anyone?

The fool also went as far as saying that masturbation caused cancer of the womb, urinary diseases, impotence, epilepsy, and insanity.

I should run and tell my brother and my cousins!  Maybe then I’ll see them more!

Now I know that your Momma has probably told you that all masturbating is good, cause she probably caught you and not only did not want you to feel bad about yourself, but did not want to question her motherhood. But, if you find yourself addicted to having enemas up your bottom it is okay. You can get help via Hypnosis.

If that don’t work then there is psychoanalysis.

And if that don’t work then there is cognitive therapy.

And if that don’t work then there is drug therapy.

And if that don’t work then there is behavior therapy.

And if that don’t work then all I can say is leave it in the hands of God, or else someone will!

If you are afraid of administering an enema yourself, did you know that you can pay someone to do it to you? A lot of prostitutes are offering it up as a service.

Diapering and baby powder are extra.

But, of course!