“Show me.”

And with the flick of his hands, Natalie Portman shows Clive Owens her puny.

Is it me, but doesn’t Clive Owens seem kind of dirty in this scene? Usually, I love dirty, but he seems almost grimy! I guess it goes with the ambiance. Leather chairs and vinyl walls make me sweat too!

I remember my first foray into a strip club.

Actually, it was just before my second and third foray into such a club.

You wouldn’t even call it my first time. The only reason why I had to go into the strip club was to grab my cousin and my brother. The Jiggas were supposed to meet me outside of the bowling alley. But, instead when I drove up they were nowhere to be found. Then I realized that there was a strip club beside it.

It is a funny thing about strip clubs. They are like casinos. You don’t know what time it is once you walk into the place. Anyhoo, I am not going to lie Possums, I felt real excited! I was going into the den of iniquity. And, I was going to see me some naked people!

However, den of iniquity my ass crack! Everything and everyone looked tired! From the waitresses, the customers, the manager, the man behind the bar and even the girl at the box office, looked tired! Which reminds me of the time when my brother dated a stripper. Jigga always looked tired too!

I swear even the dancers’ ugly bits looked…well, ugly! That’s why I prefer not to strip as a vocation, but in the privacy of my own home. Afterward, I can go straight to my bed! Another reason is- Possums DEM GIRLS DO NOT CLEAN UP THAT POLE BETWEEN ACTS!

Oh, hell nah!

Not for nothing, but I am a very clean person! I have been known to stop Naked Tuesdays for about an hour to scrub down my stove!

I have been known to rush Sexy Bath Time if I see scum between my tiles!

And Possums, I have been known to spread the bed because it looked real messy after having sex.

While, he was still in it!

It was dark and I just threw my giraffe-print comforter on him and my bed.

That’s the last time I date a skinny boy!

But, I digress.

I would not be a good stripper! I would definitely have to put some form of “cleansing” routine in my act. I would bend over and shake my bootay, and pull out my Clorox spray. I would pull at my garters for the customers as I sprayed it all over the pole. And as I show my tacos, I would whip out some antibacterial wipes and clean the pole up and down at the same time, pull out my duster, dust up any leftover bits, and fall into a split, flipping my hair just so.

Cause Possums, I AM that talented!

Believe it or not Possums, I CAN stretch my legs nay wide. How nay is nay? Well, depending what I am taking before I do it!

What You Need:

• A tacky pink wig-Which shouldn’t be too hard to find. All you have to do is go to the hair store and go straight to the counter and ask for one. They have plenty! I should know.

• For him-a simple vest, dress shirt and pants.
• Play money
• Sexy see-through stilettos!

• You can wear a flipper style of lingerie
  

VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: Don’t use a girdle!

Try pulling aside a girdle to show a man your puny, when he asks you to! And then have that tight panty snap right back like it ain’t nobodies business! And then not only are you wincing in pain, but then you realize that it didn’t snap back entirely! It got caught between your “servings”. So then you are there, legs wide open trying to dig and dig and dig and dig and then when you finally get it out and then you think to yourself, “Why did I have to embrace the freedom of growing a bush? I should have just waxed the thing off when I had the chance!” And while you rub your coco for its dear life, only to find that when you look up, Jigga is staring at you the whole time!

Enjoying himself!

Jigga actually thought that this was part of your “act”.

Not that this has happened to me.

It is just a for instance!

What To Do:

You can play the name game, like what they do at the police stations all over the globe-“What’s your name?”

“I don’t know? What do you want it to be?”

What I really think is that this movie is a study of intimacy. Larry wants it, but Alice knows the drill. That’s why I think that this is a fantastic role-play for flirting! Always, one up the other person. It is all in the game.

“You have the face of an angel” says Larry.

“Thank you” says Alice.

“What does your c*nt taste like?” says Larry.

“Heaven” says Alice.

Possums, mine too!

And make sure to always say “thank-you” at the end of every compliment.

To some it may seem annoying, but no one has manners anymore!

Lingerie, stripping, play money aside- it shows good breeding!

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