Possums, as you know right now I am in a very tight situation.

Actually, come to think of it, it is more like a loose situation.

For Sure!

I am never one to argue with our Creator, but when the noise coming from your bottom sounds like a rag-time band, then Possums, you have a problem!

A big problem!

But, did you know that many health issues can be diagnose by just examining the contents of your bottom?

I was standing naked in front of my mirror wondering a few things to myself-

I am Black.

I am special.

I am beautiful.

I am a good person.

I make good Fettuccine Alfredo with chicken.

My breasts may fall to the side, but can still make a lot of men (albeit near-sighted men) admire their regal beauty.

And then my eyes fell to my bottom.

Possums, do you know that people actually take enemas for the sole purpose of looking younger?
You know that I am not against using an enema when constipated, but using one for the sole purpose to cleanse, just might be an avenue I may like to explore. And that’s why I am thinking about having a colonic hydrotherapy done.

Think about it.

What is in your belly and in your colon?

Toxins.

What do you find floating around in your toilet, post do-do?

Toxins.

And constipation is the build-up of what?

Toxins!

And since your face is not too far from your bottom, who knew that one could be so closely affected by the other? SIDE NOTE: Some people’s faces are really close to their bottoms, that is why God created turtlenecks-to tell them a part!

I then asked myself- “Do I really want to jeopardize losing the tightness of the muscles in my rectum?”

Possums, I don’t know.

I know that there are many a persons who wish they had the full use of their butt muscles and here I was attempting to tamper with my own.

Possums, did you know that many celebrities from yonder years used to get an enema a day, just to keep them young and slim?

Marilyn Monroe once stated, “Yes, I enjoy enemas and so, what?”  She used coffee enemas to keep her weight down.

I wonder if the people at Starbucks thought of this as a new revenue stream?

Miss Monroe’s daily diet included- raw eggs for breakfast, and raw carrots and steak for dinner. I don’t know what she had for lunch. My guess was sex. But, clearly, her diet meals were an early example of a low-carb diet. It was even said that she was given an enema the day that she died, which would explain why her housekeeper was doing the laundry.

Possums, I don’t know if I could start my day with an enema. I can be really picky what I do early in the morning. I don’t want anything inside of me, other than an espresso and an egg mcmuffin!

The actress, Mae West, was also given an enema every day and she made sure to at least have one orgasm a day, too.

A motto to live by!

SIDE NOTE: Possums, I am on the right track. I try to have an orgasm a day too, with or without someone present!

Miss Mae said that enemas and orgasms would keep her young until she is 100. And she lived to the ripe old age of 87.

Poor thing her vagina and her heart must have given out!

I even read that the Queen (not the one now, for if that was true she would wave less and smile more!) and the noblewomen of the court of Louis XIV were given frequent enemas by special servants called apothecaries. The purpose of their enemas was to not only give them a peaches and cream complexion, but to deter the intestinal toxins from getting into their blood.

Smart!

I guess!

But, an enema a day, Possums?

Every day?

And to think of a really long hose going up my bottom? Not even a penis mind you, but a long hose, while a person watched?

I needed more advice.

I decided that I had to call in an expert in crap storms.

Possums, for you, I will do anything.

“Hello?”

“Mom? Did you know that people take an enema a day to help them stay young?”

“They do?” she asked.

“It helps them get rid of the toxins that may otherwise show up on their face,” I explained.

“But, they shouldn’t do that cause then you will lose all control of your butt muscles,” said my mother.

“Really? How do you know?”

“Cause, I use to do it,” answered my mother.

“You did? What?? Tell me???” I asked.

“Nothing. Bye,” she answered.

So Possums, there you have it. My mother left me hanging.

I’m not surprised.

I still do not know what to do.

If I were a man receiving a hand job, I would be in blue-ball hell!

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