The Gentle Gentleman- Robert De Niro
Possums, I remember my first time with a man of a lighter persuasion.
It wasn’t hard to tell our bodies a part in the mirror above the bed. His vanilla seemed to mix well with my coco cocoa. I learned two things that night-number one, not all white man are dicked the same and number two, it was the first time I was able to run my fingers through his hair and it wasn’t:
1. Snagged by a cornrow
2. Stopped by kinky curls
3. Or stopped by an Afro pick!
I was able to run my nimble fingers through his luxurious hair, down his nape and onwards. His choice of music may have borderline between pop and soft rock, but that was okay, I brought enough funk soul to the bedroom.
Possums, did I tell you I made a startling discovery that night. Some white men are silky on top and coarse down below and vice versa for Black men. I don’t know if this was intentional or God got tired towards the third day and 
made a small kerfuffle, but I thought it was my duty to bring this up.
You wouldn’t tell by looking at, but Monsieur De Niro favors blackberries and lots of it! Do you know that the majority of De Niro’s loves and wives have been Black? There is something about Italian and Black woman.
You think it’s a joke.
No way!
I remember yonder years ago when I worked at the renowned coffee shop known for its taste of eclectic music, divine pastries, and enchanting ambiance. Okay it was Starbucks, but you get my drift! Anyways, I knew this Italian boy named Mario. I say “boy” because Jigga acted like the whole world and the women in it were a candy store! But, don’t you dare think of Mario being naive. Although, he made the female customers fall all over him because of his strong sexy accent and broken English, Mario knew how to play them. In between my “spa” moments behind the bar (trust me Possums, if you have clogged up pores, go behind the bar and make espresso, all that prevails you will clear up!) I used to watch Mario collect phone numbers.
Why didn’t I fall for Mario? Because what was probably mistaken for sweat was actually grease! And Possums, I can’t stand a greasy man!
One night, I caught Mario checking out the behind of a Black girl. When she left with his phone number, I mentioned to him that I didn’t know that he was into Black girls, since all I saw him pick up were young or middle-aged white women. Mario let me know in his broken English “come si dice?” way that Italian men loved Black women. That Black women remind Italian men of their mothers-big-tittied, strong-willed, amazing cooks, and according to their father’s, “brava a letto”!!! Translation: “good in bed”!
Well, Possums, book me a ticket to Rome!
He also went on about how much effort Black women seem to put into themselves, especially their hair.
Ha!
Ain’t that right!
He also waxed on about their plentiful bottoms and strapping legs. SIDE NOTE: Possums, it took a lot for me not to throw myself behind the bar with my strapping legs high above my head!
“But…,” he started.
“But, what?” I asked.
“We can’t marry them,” he finished.
Possums, there goes the summers in Firenze and the dinners of heaping fettuccine! SIDE NOTE: Okay, I will still have the heaping plates of fettuccine, whether or not I go to Firenze!
“Why can’t you marry me, I mean us?” I asked innocently.
“Because what would mama think?”
“Mama?”
“Yes, how would Mama explain all those brown babies. And Papa said that Black girls are good in bed except their front smells of fish!”
What a manja cake!
“OUR FRONTS SMELL LIKE FISH?” I yelled.
“Yes. It is what Papa said,” said Mario.
Possums, him and his father can go dine on my anchovy!
At least De Niro doesn’t seem to be as weak-minded as Starbucks Mario was!
Mr. De Niro’s first wife, Diahnne Abbott-Black.
He dated Naomi Campbell-Black.
Other girlfriends (Pam Grier and Veronica Webb and Toukie Smith)-Black, Black and Black.
Current wife, Grace Hightower-Black too!
And although he is loving the chocolate honeys, Mr. De Niro still may need help in the “hooking-up” area.
According to British singer/actress Jamelia, Mr. De Niro tried to pick her up a few years ago, but sadly the Jigga struck out! Jamelia told The Mirror, that she had heard he had a ‘thing’ for black women, and was amazed when he told organizers he wouldn’t leave until he had spoken to her.
She recalled: “I’d heard he’s got a thing for black women, but I thought it was just a rumor. At the end of the night we were finally introduced, but he was so full on, straight away – talking about how I was a delicious chocolate thing.”
Really, now?
“Then he started to churn out more chat-up lines, like, ‘Don’t you want to be my leading lady?’ and, ‘Come on, I’m not taking no for an answer.’
Unfortunately, for a persistent De Niro, Jamelia soon put a stop to his cheesy chat-up.
The 26-year-old mother-of-two, had to let him down gently by telling him she is already in a relationship with soccer star Darren Byfield.
She added: “I was flattered but I told him in no uncertain terms that it was not going to happen. I said I had a boyfriend.”
needs to listen to me-“Mr. De Niro, sweetheart, you need some new pick-up lines. Pronto!” All Contents Copyright 2008-2011. lucresialinton.com All Rights Reserved.
Heartbroken, Lucresia Linton decided to turn to the internet. She believes that if God gives you lemons, then you must order your very rude child to make you a pitcher of lemonade and go find an audience elsewhere!
