Possums, I have something between my legs and it is hot!

Actually it is my heating pad that I keep on my thighs for pain. I love this thing! However, once I fell asleep with it on and then I must have turned over…

Hot damn!

Let’s just say that a curling iron isn’t the only thing that could singe off hair!

I use the heating pad for pain relief. Unfortunately, it is not pain from hours of hours of glorious sex, but from my illness. Speaking of which, I finally got some idea of what I have.

I am in the same predicament as Lady Gaga. I am borderline Lupus, whatever that is. I think it means that a person can have different amounts of levels of a disease, and mine is just borderline. I guess I can say that I am in good company, sharing something with Miss Gaga and all.

I do have Sjogren’s Syndrome and I still have to go through a battery of tests to check for other mixed connective tissues diseases. But, for now I have to take Prednisone, which is a steroid.  Possums, do you know that steroids can cause puffiness. That may be all well and good…if I had a penis! Maybe the puffiness will go straight to my breasts, which to those who will benefit, hurray, but to me, not so good, I don’t think I want to be in Club E. I am still getting used to being in Club DD!

It is slightly getting harder to get through my day without taking pain medication. I have to make a choice-either take them and have a productive day or don’t take them, and stay in bed with pain. I can get used to tightened limbs and pain, I guess! But, if I ever lost the ability to sing….

Mind you, I take Acid Reflux pills so that the acidity in my stomach doesn’t rise out

of my esophagus and into my throat, which it has in the past. But, Possums, you don’t realize that all I have ever wanted to do was sing.  Even when I had books and movies to escape to as a child, nothing fueled my soul as to when I would lock my door and in my yellow bedroom I would dance and dance and sing. And when I realized that I could write lyrics and set them to music, I knew that it was a gift from God.

The music that I am working on now is different from what you hear on my MYSPACE. It is saucy, it is humble, it is jazz! Have you ever felt like you have come home? I always thought of jazz in the back of my mind, while I was doing pop/r&b. I even had a jazz singing teacher who told me that I looked like Billy Holiday. She gave me so much encouragement! I remember for homework I had to study the greats-Armstrong, Simone, Davis, and of course, Ella. I think I told you that once when Ava was small we were watching the movie “Autumn In New York” and a Billie Holiday song came on and Ava in all her loudness asked me (and everyone) if that was me singing?  Possums, you couldn’t tell Ava that is wasn’t me singing!

If this ability is taken away from me, the ability to sing, I don’t know what I am going to do.

Re-invent myself?

I suppose.

But, I can’t and I won’t give up easy!

One of my favorite Bible passages is the story of:

The Unjust Judge and the Persistent Widow

Luke 18:1-8

18:1 Then ¹ Jesus ² told them a parable to show them they should always ³ pray and not lose heart. ⁴ 18:2 He said, ⁵ “In a certain city ⁶ there was a judge ⁷ who neither feared God nor respected people. ⁸ 18:3 There was also a widow ⁹ in that city ¹⁰ who kept coming ¹¹ to him and saying, ‘Give me justice against my adversary.’ 18:4 For ¹² a while he refused, but later on ¹³ he said to himself, ‘Though I neither fear God nor have regard for people, ¹⁴ 18:5 yet because this widow keeps on bothering me, I will give her justice, or in the end she will wear me out ¹⁵ by her unending pleas.’” ¹⁶ 18:6 And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unrighteous judge says! ¹⁷ 18:7 Won’t ¹⁸ God give justice to his chosen ones, who cry out ¹⁹ to him day and night? ²⁰ Will he delay ²¹ long to help them? 18:8 I tell you, he will give them justice speedily. ²² Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith ²³ on earth?”

Remember Possums, that persistent prayer is the action of showing faith in God who, while there may be delays in His answers, He will always act justly with respect to His followers.

You know that I always pictured myself as that woman and God as the judge. And if I just keep on bugging him all day long, one day he will answer my prayer.

I always say that I am so glad that they invented Bluetooth. You may see Bluetooth, but I see a way that I can bug talk to God, in public, without people thinking that I am crazy.

They’ll just think I am using my Bluetooth!

Here are some fantastical sites for more information:

Sjogren’s Syndrome Foundation

Reasonably Well-Living Well With Sjogren’s Syndrome

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