Lucresia Linton.com

But, let me tell you that I got the fake eyelashes.

I couldn’t resist.

Not, only am I the daughter of Bambi, but I am the cousin and sister too!

Possums, every time I try to escape they pull me back in!

Everyone in my family from mothers to cousins to sisters now have on fake eyelash extensions!

Now I know how Michael Corleone feels!

But, you know me Possums; I can’t even do the simplest things that are not without some dramas!

“Hello, Miss. Can I help you Miss?”

“Yes, I was told to ask for Andrea.”

I went to this new place that my sister had found. This time she paid a lot more. At least five dollars more.

“What you want your eyebrows done?” asked Miss Salon Boss Lady.

“No. I would like some eyelash extensions. She did my sister and my mother a few days ago.”

“We have many fine ladies here waiting to service you. Here is Anna. She does very good eyes. You will love it!” said Miss Salon Boss Lady as she pointed to a young woman smiling hard at me.

A little too hard.

“Maybe I should come back. I really want Andrea.”

“Andrea, is not here. No. No. No. No come back! Do right now! Anna she is really good,” she insisted as she maneuvered herself behind me and pushed me towards a back room.

Possums, they say that when God gives you a name and you defy him and choose another, well, Possums, God is going to whip you.

Lovingly, though….

But, He is still going to whip you!

Possums, have you ever had a lady straddle you with her clothes on?

It is funny how many things one could still get although fully clothed!

I was lead to a little room that had an examiner’s table in it. I was made to lie down. After she wiped my eyelashes clean, she began her work.  Possums, I shall not lie, every time the lady had to check her work at certain angles the woman would throw one leg on each side and look at my eyes.

What a tiny little thing! Or maybe I am much slimmer than I thought.

And when Miss Fake Eyelashes Lady needed to get an even closer look she would lean against my face, by way of my nostrils, slowly rocking back and forth.

Possums, do you know that not only fake eyelashes suit me, but just like a man, I could pop a boner!

Afterwards, I looked in the hand mirror she provided. I had butterfly wings attached to my eyelids!

Simply lovely.

I guess!

All was well in Lucresiaville, when I noticed that every time I blinked, my eyes would hurt whenever I took off my contact lenses.  And then it became dangerous to drive. Think about it-if it takes the normal woman a millisecond to blink, what about a woman with butterflies attached to her eyelids. It takes at least a whole second! Whenever I blinked my eyelids were so heavy that it took all my eye muscles to pull back up my eye!

I don’t think God intended this to be.

I didn’t even need sunglasses anymore!  Not only, did my lashes keep hitting my glasses, but my lashes were long enough to shade myself from the sun!

The pain became so unbearable that I went to the doctor and found out that I was THIS CLOSE to having a scratched cornea and I have to wait for it to be healed!

I was advised to immediately go home and take them all off!

Possums, I tried eyelash remover.

I tried Vaseline and hot water.

I tried sitting in front of a humidifier.

I even contemplated using scissors!

I finally got them off.

One by one.

By plucking them with tweezers.

Possums, do you know what I learned?

I learned that God must have a good sense of humor cause now I have no eyelashes!

Possums, I have to wear fake eyelashes to replace the ones that I took off!

Now, ain’t that a hit in the dungarees?