And God Created Anna Wintour
LIVE FROM NEW YORK
Possums, remember when I told you that I was on a diet I called the Anna Wintour a.k.a Fashion’s Night Out diet?
Possums, remember when I told you I called said diet-the Anna Wintour diet, because I needed tough love? A kind of love that only Miss Anna Wintour could give?
Yes, yes, the same diet that I couldn’t finish in time, so I had to go and cut off my circulation by getting a brand new girdle.
Well, congregation, please turn to page 40 in your hymn books because let me just say that Lucresia Linton has got something to sing about!
Possums, did you know there are times when you think that God is not listening. Times, when you think God is not paying attention. Times, when you think that every whispered wish has been ignored.
And then ta da-God delivers!
Well, I awoke Monday morning and thought to myself, “I can’t believe I went to Fashion’s Night Out and didn’t even get to see Anna Wintour or even Andre Leon Talley. Not even a glimpse.”
I was even going to let the world know by post.
Until….
Remember I told you that I was going to be in the audience of BET 106 and Park. Well, Ava and I walked about four or five blocks from the subway station.
In heels.
You know how I do.
We had stopped in front of the CBS reception door. We were arguing over the map, trying to figure out if there was a subway station closer than the one we just left. A black town car pulled up, just as I turned around to hold the subway map up to the light. I saw the male driver in the front and two pairs of knees in the back of the car, but I didn’t pay them any mind.
“OMG!!! Whatever you do, do not turn around!” whispered Ava excitedly.
Side Note: Yes, Possums, Ava actually spelt O-M-G out to me. I can’t take it anymore! It is one thing using abbreviated language when talking on the internet, but it is a whole other story when you do it in public, face to face. I haven’t had to spell everything out that way in front of her, since she was a child! And then it was only the words like-S-E-X, F-U-C-K and B-I-T-C-H!!!
Totally, understandable.
Furthermore, Possums, I hate when people say, “Don’t turn around”! Because the first thing I am gonna do is TURN AROUND!
The hair was tight and curled under.
Perfection!
Her printed dress flared out just so and fit like a glove on a hand of a thief.
The sunglasses were cat-like in shape.
So Bardot!
The skin was luminous and could only be created by a body lotion with mirror-reflectors in it.
Scrumptious!
I know I sound too much, but if you were there and witnessed perfection at its best, you would sound like poetry too.
I did what one would expect Lucresia Linton to do in a situation like this.
“O-M-G!” I whispered just loud enough f
or God and his angels to hear. Don’t worry. I didn’t have to turn up the volume much.
God hears everything!
Possums, they always say that it is only when you are in a car accident everything around you seems to go in slow motion. Not true! The same goes for when you are in the presence of the Anna Wintour!!!
The subway map dropped to my side as Miss Wintour gave me a half smile that said, “Yes, I know I am Miss Anna Wintour.”
A half smile that said,“Yes, I know, THE Anna Wintour.”
A half smile that said, “Yes, THE Anna Wintour who edits the other Bible.”
The blonde lady walking into the building beside her smiled at the craziness of it all.
And then Miss Anna Wintour, yes THE Anna Wintour, was gone.
What was I suppose to do Possums?
Scream?
I ain’t no groupie! I did what one does in these types of situation- I just stared and stared and stared… at the door. Like, Miss Anna Wintour, THE Anna Wintour, was going to come back out of the door and shake my hand.
Um…no.
And I ain’t no stalker, so I just walked back, the long way, to the subway. I smiled all the way back to the hotel, so much so that Ava had to remind me that we were on the subway and that although there are a total of five hundred crazy people in New York, people now think that I am five hundred and one. Possums, I didn’t realize, but I WAS smiling that hard!
By the time I got to the hotel room I was just bursting to share my story to anyone, other than Ava! I thought to call my Aunt, but she would be like, “Vogue who?” And then I thought to call my mother, but she would continue to give me an icy attitude for not taking her along on my vacation. I decided to call my other Aunt, but my Uncle let me know she wasn’t home and then proceed to tell me, at a lot of money per minute, a very long and drawn out song about New York, something to the tune of- “New York. New York. It is so nice, you got to say it twice!”
After all that, I was still excited, so I called my sister’s phone and Dante, her son, answered.
“Dante!” I gushed. “Guess who we saw today?”
“T.I.?” he asked.
“No, guess again. I AM SO EXCITED!” I screamed.
“Nicki Manaj?” he asked.
“No. guess again!”
“OMG, USHER!!! Man, I wish I could go to New York!” he yelled into the phone.
“No, guess again!”
“Who?”
“I saw MISS FRIGGIN’ ANNA WINTOUR!!!!”
“Who?”
Miss Wintour does not endorse any diet on this website. For entertainment purposes only.
Heartbroken, Lucresia Linton decided to turn to the internet. She believes that if God gives you lemons, then you must order your very rude child to make you a pitcher of lemonade and go find an audience elsewhere!
