Lucresia Linton.com

From The EMERGENCY Room
On Miss Ava’s IPOD
Toronto, ON

Possums, sometimes in life your mother bestows her wise ass old wisdom on you that often times, let’s face it, falls on deaf ears.  So, I would like to dedicate this post to my mother who has taught me many important things in life, especially one very important thing that I KNOW I taught Ava, but being who she is, a daughter, she does what she does best-ignore my sound advice.

I guess the apple does not fall far from the tree of Lucresia.

And so it seems.

Possums, we were taught that you should always clean your house before you go anywhere. I use to hate it when my mother used to get us three to vacuum, dust, and scrub our house down before we left to go anywhere! My mother would tell us-“Suppose you go to the store and get into a car accident and when people have to go to your house to grab your burial clothes, at least they can look around and say- ‘So sad she is gone. She kept such a clean home. She must have had a good mother!’

Maybe my mother did know best. Or maybe she knew that one day I was going to rush out leaving a messy house and end up in the EMERG with a child with possible Appendicitis!

And we all know that before you leave your house you should groom all God-given bushes! Even the Lady Eve knew this. She lived in one of the most beautifully-cultured garden known to man. Eve must have been inspired to keep a manicured bush…or she knew that deep down inside one of her fore-daughters would end up in the EMERG with a child with possible Appendicitis! (SIDE NOTE: My bush resembles the one from the 60′s. Remember Possums, the bigger the bush, the bigger the panty!! Or in my case, I don’t wear panties, so I clean chairs as I go. HA!)

But, none of those are important. What I really want to stress here is the number one important thing you must do every day in case you wind up in EMERG with a child with… well, you catch my drift.

Possums, you know that every person in life has three types of drawers-there are your “utilitarian” drawers, your “home” drawers, and your “sex” drawers.

Your “utilitarian” drawers are the drawers that you either wear them everyday or sometimes they are the ones that come out during those special seven days. Some may ride low. Some may even ride high. Some may take after your grand-pappy. And some may take after your grandmama. Not very fashionable, these panties do what they are suppose to do-keep things from falling out! Or in Ava’s case-keep a thing from coming in! But, don’t worry Possums, I will keep an eye on THIS one. For the apple may or may not fall far from the tree of Lucresia!

Your “sex” drawers are the ones that are itchy, go up your bottom, but look good! They are the same ones that you hope to run out of cause that means you are having loads of sex!

Then there are your “home” drawers that are sooo stretched out that you can turn them into a skipping rope! These are the same drawers that have so many holes in them that there is just a sliver of material to cover your coco! Not to mention the same drawers that you hold on to because they fit you so well…like when you were fourteen!

Yes, Possums.

Those ones.

So, Possums, I ask you- “Guess which drawers Miss Ava chose to wear?”

Thank Christ, I had a small sewing kit in my bag!

Yes, it was such a sight to see-me bending over Ava, holding a sharp needle, while she was stretched out on the hospital gurney. Me trying to sew quickly, so the doctor would not run in on us, cause Possums, it would not have been a pretty picture had the good doctor walked in from his angle!

A mother’s job is never done.

I felt I was performing surgery!

In the end, I had a thought come to me while they were drawing Ava’s blood-you know I had a kit in my purse, not because my mother told me.

No Possums, I came up with this one on my own.

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