Heartbroken, Lucresia Linton decided to turn to the internet. She believes that if God gives you lemons, then you must order your very rude child to make you a pitcher of lemonade and go find an audience elsewhere!
I was looking at my vagina this evening-ish, you know to make sure that everything is still in 
tact. You see unlike most people, I don’t wait until something is itchy or lumpy (not that it ever has been, it is just a for instance!), I like to check it out at least every couple of weeks. Cars are not the only things that can be insured.
Top Drawer!
So, when I was looking at it in the bathroom, I got to thinking about fake vaginas and how for some people, it is not all about the penis.
But of course!
So, I got up and I started browsing through a sex toy site. I immediately clicked on the link to the fake vaginas.
My word! I couldn’t believe it!
The only disappointing thing is that it did not come in black. Just white and this awful shade of caramel, which I suppose represents “Latinas”. I am not too sure. What is wrong with black plastic vaginas!!! Possums, I reckon I will just have to come out with my own. As they say, “Black is beautiful!” I just think that maybe there are not too many famous black porn stars that would pose for them up close. I read that these were suppose to be as “life-like” as can be. 
Why did I click the ENLARGE link???
This porn star’s vagina replica looked almost like a wilted flower! And no one’s hole of their ass is that taut and pointy. Should not her’s be large and loose? I know what you are thinking- no, Possums, it is not the jealous Boutana in me, it is the over-use porno in her! And where was all the hair? I guess they couldn’t picture their customers sitting there before the deed, combing through all the plastic vagina’s fine, but matted hair. I could picture it and I shudder at the thought!
I couldn’t help comparing mine to the plastic vagina. I know what you are thinking-that I have enough pressures being a plus-size sexy voluptous fine woman, 
but now I have the pressures of having my vagina stand up to a perfect, but plastic one. So, I kept on running back and forth to the bathroom, to check. I finally decided to just take a damn picture of my fine thing and prop up the digital camera beside my lap top for a further review.
You know Possums, God, broke the mold when he made vaginas. All vaginas look different, they are just built the same. Side Note: Got that you player men out there. So, stop cheating! A vagina is a vagina is a vagina. Or at least, I would like to think so.
So, who can I call when I need expert advice about vaginas and such. No, not my father, cause if I ask him, “Dad, are all vaginas built the same?” Then he would be reminded of what he has been missing all these years and will promptly leave my mother and return to Jamaica.
My mother would be devastated.
Hmm…..so, I decided to call home.
My brother Aleka picked up.
“Hello, yellow, green and purple.”
“Aleka, when you are with a girl, do you check out her pores of her vagina and make sure that it’s hairs are properly groomed?”
Click. (Dial Tone)
The nerve!
I almost redialed the phone number to try to get my dad, but then I thought about my poor mother and decided against it. Happy Christmas to you, mother darling!
And to think, I couldn’t think of anything extra to give her!
Anyways, I finally did find a vagina with some hair on it. I guess they put it on to make it all realistic et al. It even had full lips and flaps. I was curious to order it to see if it had any ridges deep inside, but what would I tell the store the reason for my return? The vagina was not up to my standards?
Why not?
Many guys do.
