Sep
14

An Aside-Journey Into The Unknown, Don’t Let No One Steal Your Joy

horseyLIVE FROM NEW YORK

Ava and I were walking through this quaint part of New York called Greenwich Village. She was in a forlorn mood because I said no to her when she wanted a journal from the Marc Jacob store. (Side Note- Possums, all the jigga did was take a book and put his name on it along with a hefty price tag. I saw a similar book like it before. It was at the dollar store!).

It was a dark and sparkly night, when Ava turned and asked me, “How much does it cost to go to the moon?”

“A lot,” I answered as I munched on one of my cupcakes from the Magnolia Bakery.

I waited in line for thirty minutes.

I bought six.

“Well, how much?” she asked.

“I think, like a million dollars or more. Why, you want to go to the moon for?” I asked as I headed towards the closest parking bench. We sat across a couple who started to caress each other’s hair.

“Because, I want to travel there,” she answered, as she looked up at the sky.

“Well, you can become an astronaut and go up there for free, but then you have to be careful of the rocket not blowing up when it goes into the next atmosphere and-”

“Planes, go up the same way and come down and they don’t blow up!” she said cutting me off.

Parking Bench Man started to kiss Parking Bench Woman.

“Yeah, but Ava, they don’t have to go that far up and then into a differesunlovent atmosphere. So, you are definitely going to have to take classes. And then when you come back, you have to ease into the atmosphere slowly, or else you can blow up again. Remember those people who blew up when they were coming back down and then all their body parts where all over the place and in the ocean. And then if that happened there wouldn’t be an open casket and then we would probably just bury your leg and an arm, and then-”

“I just wanted to get into space! Why are you trying to burst my bubble!”

It got real quiet as I searched my head for the right words. I couldn’t help, but notice that Parking Bench Man’s hands were on Parking Bench Woman’s left breast and he was massaging it quickly.

“You know, Chica Bica, you can just look up in the sky and see the stars. A rocket trip doesn’t have to hold you back,” I said.

“True. You are right,” she answered.

Okay, now we are back on! And so was Parking Bench Woman who now somehow seemed to be dry humping Parking Bench Man’s knee!

I lost my train of thought.

Then I remembered, “Don’t forget you have to be good in Math and Sciences and you have to probably maintain a real high grade point average.”

“Forget that!”

It got quiet again.

Space came between us indeed!

And she didn’t even had to go anywhere.

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Sep
12

An Aside-One Eye Open

SDC12575LIVE FROM NEW YORK

“Do you know that Taylor Momsen has a vibrator?” asked Ava.

Good Morning Miss Daisy!

Who asked for a side of vibrator to go with my morning espresso!

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“She does!!! Wow. Great Minds think alike. Why, you want one?” I asked her.

“No. I am just saying she has one,” answered reading the paper.

“Why?” I asked.

“Don’t you have to be older to have one?” she asked.

“No. Why?”

“I just thought that you have to be at least eighteen to go into a sex shop.”

“Maybe, she must have bought in online,” I shrugged.

“Oh,” she answered and then took a sip of her tea.

You know Possums, there comes a time in one’s life when you look back at your family tree, way back, back a far as you can go and wonder how far does genetics and sexual habits carry and if it could skip a generation.

Possums, one eye open.

That’s all I am saying.

One eye open!

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Mar
20

The Doctors Office-Should I Get Me Some Butt Implants

biob“What does one wear to such a solemn occasion as this?” I asked myself as I searched through my closet.

I missed one of my mother’s doctor appointments because I was in Philly, so I had to make sure that I would make it to this one. I didn’t want to wear white, because it seemed too clinical. And I don’t care what anyone says, white is not slimming…even if you squint! Black, seemed so sad and pessimistic. I could go with yellow or gold, but it just seemed way too bright. And then I got to thinking about all the eligible doctors at the hospital and it was downtown, so I settled on black cause it was fetching and slimming. What is that thing people always say, “Black is beautiful?” Yeah, Black IS beautiful, especially if you have your hands on a black Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress cut just so.

Possums, the air permeated with uncertainty, as the three of us (my sister, my mother and I) waited for her name to be called as we sat in the waiting room. It was not only a battle of wits, but a battle of perfume of three Black women! I think my sister won. Nothing can beat cheap cologne, I say! Darn tootin’!

I thought about picking up a magazine, but I couldn’t concentrate. So, being who I am, I looked around the room, and studied people’s faces. My mother and sister being who they are talked to each other in hushed tones…about the people in the room.

“I wonder what he is in here for?”

“I love her hair. I wondered where she bought it?”

Finally, our names were called and my sister and I fell back, so that my mother could walk into the examination room first.

“Watch the door for me.”

“Mom!”

“What? You are going to be the same one calling my phone, asking me if I have any plastic gloves to perm your hair!”

Possums, I have to let you in on a secret. When I was little, my mother would pillage the drawers of the doctors. Nothing serious-just cotton balls, plastic gloves, free medicine samples, lotion, antibacterial lotion, towellettes, rubbing alcohol, brochures on how to quit smoking (for my Dad), facial cream, note pads, lost of sexual drives in seniors (again for my Dad) and pens. My mother reckoned that the samples are going to be given free anyways…she was just hurrying the good old doctor along.

Possums, don’t be acting like it never crossed your mind as you sat in your doctor’s office, either!

motherloveCome to think of it, we never took those long wooden stick things that the doctor holds down your tongue with. I guess, we never did like anything long and hard in our mouths…

Well…

My mother’s doctor let her know that she has to get a bone marrow scan for further testing, which means that she is definitely going to have day surgery. She had it many years ago, and it is very painful. I felt it for her. Truly, I did.

When the doctor removed himself from the room, his decision was left clouding the air. So, I decided to clear it.

“What do you think about me getting myself some butt implants?”

“Lucresia!” said my sister.

My mother guffawed.

Hey, sometimes you have to laugh, or else you are going to cry.

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Feb
26

Possums DO NOT READ!!THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!!

Possums, DO NOT READ THIS, THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!!!!

I repeat…

DO NOT READ THIS, THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!!!!

avameInside McDonald’s McCafe
Philadelphia, PA
Dear So and So,
I am going to call you out.
I have had many a things done to me as a youth and over time…
I know why the caged bird sings.
And I am glad that in this case the caged bird sang.
‘Til this day, I can’t even bring myself to see the movie “Precious”.
To think that something as grotesque as child abuse is so close to home.
And to have your man try to lie and say that it was an “accident”!!!
Why, is his peen that sweet?
No, dear.
No, peen is sweet enough to hurt your child over.
I was SO right about you.
I call it like I see it.
In the words of the great NeNe-”You are nothing, but a low-budget bitch!”
To think that you would let a random man come into your life and strike and beat your child.
A child that you carried for nine months and a day.
A child that brought life into your world.
Woman have you no shame???
If I see you, you better walk on the other side of the street.
Pray, you don’t even call my name, cause I will let everyone know what you let happened to your child.
And if you call my name in a supermarket, there WILL BE a clean-up in aisle 5!!!
And you call yourself a mother!!!
There are many a woman that would trade places with you gladly.
Many a woman who have tried for many years to be blessed with a child.
Did you ever think that, maybe this is a time for you to learn more about yourself, instead of settling for whatever peen comes along!!
I am a full believer of redemption, but knowing your history, I doubt you will make that change.
I am so glad we are not blood related. And to think that I was once on your side.
You sick dog’s stomach!
-Lucresia Linton
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Feb
07

Sweat and Dysentery

befunky_artworkdfI am still worried about my mother.

Last night I awoke in a state of dysentery and sweat! And there was no man around! I found myself wrapped up in my bed sheets like a taco from a Chipotle restaurant!!a87d5525c03a35a8

limited-edition-painting-dearestSuppose I lose her, Possums. I know, I know, but I was always taught to fear the worst and expect it too!

Maybe, I am selfish, but who would I have to talk about?

Who would get me so mad, on purpose, in order to push me to the heights of glory that only a mother would know her child could reach? Who would be there to 93421constantly ask me of that nice “light-skinned boy with pretty eyes” and why didn’t we work out? And although, for the 160th time I let her know that he was mean and ended up being a bore in bed, she still puts down any other riff raff that she sees on my arm.

nubianajaWho would be there to get me to second guess my make-up, outfits, and choice of hair? Who would constantly remind me to perm my hair to make it look nice? Who would I chat back to that they should have slept with a white man, if she was so concerned with said nappiness.  SIDE NOTE: Possums, my mother was the only person who agreed that if they had a problem with being called “nappy headed ho’s”, they should have gotten their coarse hair relaxed in the first place!

They say that your parents laid down the cornerstone of who you aMinnie-Mouse-Pink-Bowre as a person.

I remember my first talent show audition. My mother drove me to the school and practically shoved me on stage. Was it her dream or was it her dream for me? I would never know. All I remember is that, although I looked good, I sounded like Minnie Mouse. How did I know that I sounded like Minnie Mouse? Cause a man actually pulled her aside and said, “your daughter sounds like Minnie Mouse!”

donna-dickson-artwork-mexican-mother-daughter_bigSuch memories, and now there may be no one to stand beside my pedestal and rock it back and forth a few times, only to push me  off and help me get back up on it again.

Just to feel needed.

Yes, Possums, only my mother.

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Feb
04

A Study In Forgiveness

avalinameShe was going to be the 2nd person I thanked if I were to ever receive an Oscar for Best Song.8a4e565e108c01ac

If ever.

She was going to be the 2nd person I thanked if I were to ever win a Grammy for Best New Artist.654ce57117f0d5a6

If ever.

She was going to be the 2nd person I thanked if I were to ever win a 231e37a62b8922beJuno for Best Jazz Artist.

If ever.

She was going to be the 2nd person I thanked if I were to ever win an Emmy for Best Guest Starring Role…for Mad Men. It would be the episode where they tackle JohnHamm3interracial relationships of that era and I would have to lock lips with Mr. John Hamm.
I would give the role my all.

I knew that she would demand top billing, but God was going to be the first.

And no one fights with God.

And so it seems, Possums, there is something wrong with my Massa/Capitane/warden/mama/my mother. The doctor thinks that she may have gotten the Cancer. And with my Aunt who just recently passed away, is this thing airborne????

TW045My sister called me to give me the news. I asked her is she was sure that she got the Cancer or is the doctor just testing to see if she has it? My sister wasn’t sure because my mother naturally couldn’t explain herself over all her crying.

You see Possums, the reason why I have to ask my sister, is that she, my mother, tends to exaggerate a lot.

I was in the middle of a doctor’s appointment when I received a frantic call from my mother that my sister had died cartoon-firetruck-thumb7608016and had to be resuscitated back to life. I later found out that she never died and that she simply passed out. No one touched my sister’s chest, not even the paramedics that evening, except maybe her man.

Clipart Illustration ofI was on the way to visit my parent’s when I received a call to come home quickly that my brother had slipped into a coma and he wouldn’t wake up.  I arrived to see fire trucks, an ambulance and a cop car surrounding our house. I ran inside only to find that my brother had passed out due to sheer exhaustion from a soccer game. There was no coma, just a fever and chills.

child_FullOr there was the time when we were little and my mother couldn’t find my brother in the mall. She feared aloud to all around her, even to the security guards who had to shut down the mall that my brother was probably being molested right now as we speak!

Possums, at the time, I didn’t know what being anally raped was. My mother did though, cause she tore my brother’s ass up when she found him in the arcade playing games.

I’ll have to give her that one, though.

AB2639“Now look at that!” said my sister over the phone.

“What, fool?” I asked.

“Is it me, or weren’t you the other day stating something to the fact that you had a red dress waiting to be used for this woman’s funeral?”

“Yes, I may have a red dress, but it is waay way back in the corner of my closet.”

“Humpf!” came from my sister.

“I didn’t even buy shoes to match it, yet,” I tried to explain. “Cha-cha, you know that no matter how I joke I love that woman.”057-6647

And then she asked me to follow her and my mother to the specialist’s office next week Thursday.

I ask you to say a little pray for my mother, Possums. It would mean a lot to me.

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Jan
17

An Aside-Nix Ay On The Pig’s Feet

766So, Possums, the gift went off without a hitch! I ended up getting him an Old Navy sweater. I debated on739636-00qlv01between three colours-cream, navy and burgundy. I chose the burgundy.  Honey, if it came in hot pink, I would have chosen that instead, just to shake up his wardrobe.

He seemed happy when he opened it, and I know that he will put it to good use, on739636-02qlv01being who he is. He may be all fisherman and nature warrior, but deep down inside, he is a label whore! He likes to have things written across the front of his sweater. In Bold. He told me it would be a nice match to all the things I bought him a mere three weeks ago, for Christmas.

I didn’t get him the cow’s tongue or pig’s feet. Apparently, when you go to even a 1e5fed887b7f5efcgourmet supermarket, they don’t have them spread out on a tray surrounded by lettuce and the such. Anyways, who does that?

“Hi, I would like to have a tray of pig’s feet for a dinner party I am having.”

3fb6a466865e16ecIronic, thing though, when I came over to his house, my dad served pig’s feet for dinner.

But, of course!

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