1- No Girdle
2- Proper Brassiere
3- Etiquette of the proper stance
4- Make-up, nails, basically whatever it takes to complete the package
5- Own it
I remember when I used a long long time ago (thank goodness!) our beloved public transit system and as I sat in between the crying baby and a kid pulling at my coat collar the bus pulled up and there was this girl. You know when you are watching something in slow motion and everything seems to stop, well, this girl came on and Honey, trust me even the little boy stopped his yanking at my collar! There she was all and I am just guessing, 165 pounds of her.
Her freshly colored hair, corduroy calf-length skirt, black fitted top, with a pleather coat (and it was definitely the kind that kept you guessing) and red knee-high boots.
She walked to the back of the bus knowing full well that everyone was following the rhythm of her hips. She then sat back made sure she slipped on the seat. And although she didn’t cross her legs they were kept together tight (a definite bonus in leaving the man across her seat something to wonder about)! I sat watching this piece of eye-candy and rushed off (full hair in tact, mind you) and figured out what was it about her that made her stand out. And I came up with the above five mistakes that plus size women and this goes for you slim ones too.
1. No Girdle -This has to be the numero uno, cause just in case you have to go off and can only read the first half of this, I wanted to leave you with this huge mistake.
I, Lucresia, have no qualms in approaching a woman to put on a girdle. We even sometimes exchange numbers so that I can tell her where to buy one.
I remember dancing at a club and this girl wore a top that was a tad fitted with nice slacks. She totally ruled the dance floor. Unfortunately, her stomach rolls ruled along with it! She was gorgeous and I wanted to let her know. So as fate would have it we were in the bathroom together and I let her know, cause I would want someone to let me know and do you know what? She wasn’t even upset. She thanked me and now she is a plus size model.
Ladies, I don’t care how young you are; proper girdle is a key to any wardrobe. I have met young girls who told me that their mother owned one. No dear, big panties are not only for grannies. These panties are the best defense in battling the bulge. They smooth out the curves and give a more, and even enhance those girls with no booty by giving a little lift! Some good ones are available at Wal-Mart and the Hudson Bay Company.
Lastly, don’t listen to all the hype that surrounds some of those girdles. The best I found are the ones that are high-waisted that have a v-shaped reinforced tummy across the front and along the sides. I have seen them at Wal-Mart for approx. $15.00CAD and the Bay has the most wicked skirt girdle that is really slim fitting for about $29.99CAD. It really does smooth out those hips and makes the belly look taut! And a reminder, please don’t buy those ones that end at the knees. I hate them so much! When you wear a clingy skirt or pants-these girdle lines show and frankly, I ain’t having none of that!
Always try on the girdle before you buy. And it should cover you entire belly, ladies, not half! I always buy one a size smaller that what I normally wear cause unlike regular underwear a girdle is supposed to protect the soldier and pull up the ranks! LOL!
2. Proper bra -My mother had this thing when we were out in public she would tell me to “pull up my bra straps, don’t you see that your breasts are loop-sided!”
Now to tell me is one thing, but in front of friends or relatives is quite another. It was always embarrassing and I didn’t catch on until I hit 18 that maybe she was right. I know the days when I had to make the most out of those $5.99 brassieres at Wal-Mart. But, I always made sure that I tried them on first in the change room and pulled them up so the strap buckles matched side by side. You should be able to pull the straps back so that you still feel comfortable. Don’t buy a bra if you find it slipping. After you do my “bounce” test-which is simply bouncing and posing in one spot for 30secs. Your breasts should not spill out craving for its 15 minutes of fame.
I know that you thinking that as grown women you don’t need to be told this, well Suga you’d be surprised…!
3. Etiquette of the Proper Stance -This next line may sound trite and may even make some people angry, but I don’t care! I always pull in my stomach. It is so second nature now that I don’t even gasp for extra air anymore. HAHAHA! I never slouch. Never. But, I have a slight double chin and I naturally would do anything to get rid of it. So when I am in public I always walk chin and breasts first and a tight tummy. I don’t think this action defeats the whole purpose of being a full-figured woman. No dear, it helps it. Every woman loves a little attention. And I am one of them. And remember never ever walk into a room. Strut. Always Strut.
4. Own it!-I hate it when I see a gorgeous curvy woman; looking all fierce-nails done, weave sewn in right. But her toe nails looked like someone mashed it with a cleaver. Man! Ladies you must always remember to complete the package. You can ask all my friends and even my mother, even when Lucresia is nearing brokedom; with no job prospects. I always found money to do my nails and buy new hair. ALWAYS! I did not do this because I am vain; I’m not. Nor, do I do it for the lack of self-confidence. I did this because it makes me feel good and when I feel good the day always looks brighter to me.
5. Last, by never forgotten…Own it! No extensions, false nails, breast minimizer or butt maximizer is going to help you unless you claim it! Make it your own, and never settle for substitutes!
And to sign off possums -my mother always told me that not only, does the crazy people have the best pills, but you only have three friends in the world-your pocket, God and your front. So, keep your pocket full, pray to God for guidance and take care of your front before it takes care of you!
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Heartbroken, Lucresia Linton decided to turn to the internet. She believes that if God gives you lemons, then you must order your very rude child to make you a pitcher of lemonade and go find an audience elsewhere!
pamela anderson
leasures- whip cream,terrence howard,50 cent in a pirate costume (you would have to try to picture this it is quite the sexy,lollyganging alone in bed,sometimes with an audience,strawberries in champagne,pedicures by a loved one,bikini wax under anesthesia,fake nails,trying on make-up in Sephora for hours on end, and listening to my music of course!!!!
